#this is not the mysterious 5e this is just a lot of new words

[iamthepulta]

I really don't get it. I love rules when writing. It's my favorite challenge. "Nobody likes X and Y. What happens when you smash X and Y together and how can you make it work?" So why when you put a list of rules in front of me and ask me to play a game, does my brain just fucking dissolve?

[indierpgnewsletter]

Review: So You Want To Be A Game Master by Justin Alexander

I was reading Justin Alexander’s book So You Want To Be a Game Master this week and something very obvious sneaked up on me. When someone says a book is for “new GMs”, they’re going to have to imagine some kind of person when they say that. When you say “new GMs”, what do you imagine to be their past experiences, their wants, their needs?

Now this book has an answer to that question. But it’s answer that is inherited, rather than made. Because the book is essentially a kind of transmutation of the Alexandrian blog, from pixel to print, the intended reader of the book has to be pretty close to the blog’s primary readership. Which turns out to be primarily, people running D&D 5e, secondarily, people running similar trad games, and tertiaririrally, anyone else.

But the model of the GM that D&D 5e and similar-ish trad games propose is a specific one. You know the model but it’s worth expanding: world-creator, NPC-actor, story-starter, story-ender, rules-teacher, player-manager, pseudo-computer, and so on, and so on. I’m not a fan of this model. For one thing, I think it is too much. I don’t think anyone dreams of doing this much labour.

Ever since the hobby began, people have been trying to solve it. The two broad solutions have been: adventure modules and highly specific games. Adventure modules say, “We got you, boss. Here’s a bunch of work done already. Focus on the other stuff.” Highly specific games say, “We’re world, scenario, rules, everything, all wound up and ready to go. Just follow instructions. Add salt to taste.”

Even as the Alexandrian has a lot of content about “fixing” D&D modules like Descent into Avernus, neither of these two solutions are to be found in So You Want To Be A Game Master. Instead, the book primarily gives you two things: techniques and procedures for running specific modes of play (dungeons have a dungeon turn, raids have raid turns, mysteries have the node structure and the three clue rule) and advice on how to write and create your own play materials (creating dungeons, hexcrawls, and so on). I have no doubt a need is being met here. But focusing on these things presupposes that our conceptual new GM won’t be using the previously mentioned two solutions – modules or specific games. Why?

Maybe it’s because this imagined new GM really wants to write their own adventure material. Fair enough. I’m one of those people. Or I was, when I played 5e a lot. (Nowadays, I’ll do anything to avoid doing anything.) But this isn’t a book about writing per se – as in, it’s not about the act of imagination where your mind goes away and comes back with words. It’s mostly about how to structure the results of that creative act. It’s mostly giving you formats to follow.

So I think we come to the answer finally: This book imagines a new GM is someone who is running D&D 5e or some other un-opinionated game and wants structures to follow when they write their own adventures. There is other good stuff in there for other people but it’s limited: this is who will get the most out of this book.

(This first appeared on the Indie RPG Newsletter)

[bg-brainrot]

WHaBFHtLA - Astarion x GN!Reader - Chapter 15: More than Friends Pt. 1

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader (Elf!Tav)

Genre: Reincarnation, Angst, Mystery, Slow burn

Rating: Explicit, 18+

Tags: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, POV Second Person, Canon-Typical Violence, violence, some explicit content

WC: 8k words, 15/?? chapters

Summary: Push finally comes to shove. As fun as living in the present is, Astarion forgets that present dangers are still very, very real. Afterward, emotions run high, and you find yourself in a familiar predicament.

A/N: I know I put this warning in ch 1, but warning that the smut is always going to be more about their ~feelings~ than actual smut, so like, be forewarned and don’t expect too much 🔥!

Also: I never play wizards in real campaigns! I’m a filthy rogue-main and if I play a caster, it’s usually been for the roleplay of it all, so this Tav is not built optimally. They’re built for a chill life in Neverwinter with a few offensive spells. I’m also sticking to 5E rules for this (invisibility, spell prep) for the sake of story as well.

Ao3 | [Ch14][Ch16] | WHaBFHtLA Masterlist

Since you rejected his advances a few nights ago, Astarion has been making an effort. You’re not entirely sure what the effort amounts to, but it’s an effort nonetheless.

At first you think it’s to get to know you better, understand who you are, as you asked him to. But surely it isn’t that. Something like that wouldn’t make you feel this uncomfortable.

“Oh darling, please let me embroider your robes. They’re simply not doing enough to flatter your alluring figure.”

“Simply exquisite. When you read by candlelight, your eyes shine brighter than even the most vivid moonstones.”

“Have I ever told you that your voice could lure a siren? No? Well, its dulcet tones make this dreadful work all worth the while.”

You think he’s… flirting? However, either he’s out of practice or you’re not an easy person to flirt with, because each time you’re left a bit confused and unsure how to react. Usually it ends with you changing the subject with an awkward chuckle and a thanks.

As the new week begins and you’re finding yourself inundated with these odd statements, you think this might actually be his attempt to get to know you better– he just hasn’t gotten close to someone in so long, it’s devolved into an awkward jumble of compliments.

So when you return from your start-of-week shopping trip to find Astarion waiting, arms crossed, expression irked, you suspect you know what it’s about.

“Why are you rebuffing my every attempt to converse with you?” His voice is annoyed and you try your best not to laugh, thinking of how long he might have been waiting for you in that very position. But you’d been expecting this, so you know better than to laugh.

“Astarion,” you start, putting your bags down. “Are you talking about your weird flattery?”

He all but sputters his next words, “‘Weird flattery’?!” 

You nod. “How else am I supposed to take comments about my ‘dulcet tones’?”

As if just hearing these words for the first time, Astarion recoils a bit. “Well, when you say it…” he trails off a bit before continuing. “I’m just trying to open up a conversation, darling. Not all of us have your… knack for subtlety.” You ignore the insult, as it’s likely warranted anyway.

“Regardless, thank you for making an attempt,” you say, closing the distance between you. “It means a lot to me, even if it’s been, hmmm, odd.”

“Yes, well, I appreciate you saying so,” he says, puffing his chest out a bit. “Gods know I deserve more praise these days for how patient I’ve been.”

You laugh and respond with a matching levity, “Any more praise and your head shall be too big for your shoulders.” Then, you don’t know what compels you, whether it be the instincts of your former self or the strange lull of domesticity you’ve both fallen into in the past few weeks, but you peck a light kiss on his cheek.

Both of you freeze as the gesture catches up to you.

Your mind doesn’t freeze, however, already peppering you with all of the questions a situation like this warrants, Did that just happen? What have I done? Why did I do that?!

Your mouth catches back up to your mind next. “Oh gods, I'm so sorry, I just– my body moved on its own. I didn’t mean to do that.”

Astarion doesn't say anything, just stands there in shock. A slow motion brings his hand up to feel where your warm lips made contact on his cheek.

Your heart drops in your chest as you continue to spew words at him, "I keep messing up, I really am sorry.” Then, seeing that no ‘sorry’ is bringing him out of his stupor, you feel the need to explain further, "I just can't help it. It's like caring for you is instinctual. I know you don't care about me, but–"

"I do care about you. I think. Just not… the same," he says, interrupting your rampaging speech. "It’s just all a bit… confusing."

Your heart leaps in your chest at the glimpse of hope. "So you don't want me to crawl back to where I came from?"

"… no. I don't think I do," he responds, dropping his hand. He meets your eyes once more and his tone turns teasing. "And please do adjust your fantasies. I would be much more likely to recommend you take a trip to the hells."

You don’t speak for a bit, as you collect your weekly groceries, head to the kitchen and begin to sort them. Guilt still beats against your chest like a second heart and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to speak to him again. That is until Astarion jolts you out of your spiraling anxieties.

“Darling, are you going to pout all day?” he says, head resting on his palm while he watches you from the kitchen table. “While it was so very droll at first, I’m starting to feel like I live alone again.”

Right. He’s not the same Astarion you remember from your dreams. While the touch had been a surprise, he doesn’t seem angry or bothered by it in the slightest. He really does seem mostly amused– oh good, at least I’m a source of amusement to him.

So you try to let it go– the moment of weakness, of a habit that wasn’t even yours. That’s not to say that you let it go entirely though.

You apologize again. And again. And again. All throughout the day.

He says you don’t need to keep apologizing, but you do. You feel like you’ve crossed a boundary that wasn’t ready to be crossed. You’re so worried that this carefully crafted, all-too-delicate bond would break with a mere kiss on the cheek.

Astarion assures you, it didn’t bother him. He was simply a bit stunned. While he hasn’t remained celibate over the years, not many have dared to do as you had done. You, the intruder, had dared to kiss the sad, broken vampire’s cheek. He says it like a joke, and you wish you could laugh with him, but worry persists even after you manage a reluctant little chuckle.

And so the rest of the day remains tainted, all but ruined in your mind.

Despite this, the day does continue. You go through plans for an expansion to the colony, more room to allow the vampires a better life. You’re a bit more aware of his hands near yours, his head leaning toward you, but otherwise, you manage.

Towards the end of the day, Astarion receives a message on a Sending Stone from Dal. He doesn’t tell you the contents of the message, but the look on his face says it all: worry. As soon as the exchange is over, he gets up to leave. He refuses to elaborate beyond the fact that his siblings need him.

You nod, not questioning his concern. “Can I do anything to help?”

“No,” he says, lips pressed together firmly, broaching no room for discussion. “I need to go now. I should be back by morning. Remember what I asked you?” When your expression remains blank he continues, “Prepare a Mage Armour or another warding spell.”

“Okay,” you respond, and your own face is likely as worried as his is now. “Are you sure you don’t need my–”

He grabs your hand in a rush. “Stay put. Promise me.”

You’re not sure that you can promise that, especially if he’s entering a dangerous situation. But with the way his red eyes burn into you, you find yourself nodding again. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow,” he confirms, releasing your hand and leaving. You’re left in a flurry of papers and growing unease.

__

On your sixteenth day in Astarion’s house, everything goes wrong.

He meets you in the morning, just as he promised, but after that, your day turns upside down entirely.

“Astarion?” you ask, when you open your door to his incessant knocks.

“Good,” he breathes. “You’re awake.”

You’d only just exited your reverie, but the look of sheer panic on his face means your remark dies in your throat. “What’s wrong?”

“Something came up,” he says before looking you up and down. “Get dressed and meet me in my room.”

Even on a regular day you would have listened, perhaps with a sly remark, but on a day like today, where his voice comes out short, clipped, and his jaw is clenched in a hard line? You comply with his orders like the model student you once were.

As soon as you’re ready for the day– in your best travel robe, Mage Armour cast, a variety of new spells prepared for the day– you head toward Astarion. You hope you won’t need the preparation, but with the way that Astarion’s shoulders were set, you suspect you might.

“Astarion?” you call, knocking on the door. “I’m here.”

He opens the door and you’re graced with a surprising amount of his bare chest. “Good,” he says, either not noticing or not caring about the blush that’s creeping up your neck and into your face. “I need your help.”

Finally, you think, brushing aside any feelings his bare body might stir within you. He trusts you and you this is your chance to prove yourself to him. You’re not sure with what yet, but what does it matter?

“Could you help me put on my armor?” he says, handing you a pile of leathers, straps, and buckles. 

Oh.

“Of course,” you respond, working to lay out the armor. You vaguely recognize it, albeit with a few adjustments here and there. Different pauldrons, a few knicks marring its surface that weren’t there 150 years ago, but otherwise no worse for wear. “What else do you need help with?”

“Nothing else,” he says, pulling on a pair of boots you also recognize. “I simply don’t have the luxury of asking my siblings for help currently.”

You stop midway through sorting straps. “Okay, what’s going on Astarion? You can’t leave me in the dark like this.”

The vampire sighs, but lifts his head from his task to look you squarely in the face. “A group of hunters have found the colony. A few scouts found them on our trail last night. We’re preparing to defend it. It might be the biggest group we’ve seen… well, ever since we relocated.” He goes back to lacing his boots as he continues, “Nothing you need to worry about though. You will be staying right here, hiding.”

“Hiding ?” you ask, indignant. “Why would I be hiding when I can help?”

“Because,” he hisses, standing up and walking toward you like a panther. “We are frankly not in need of your help. We have our defensive plans set already, and I rather suspect you may do more harm than good.”

The words sting– largely because of the truth in them. Why should you enter the fray when you hadn’t been preparing to defend the colony? Did a few weeks of desk work amount to an honorary spot on the front lines? Still, the idea that this man– who you had already spent so much of your life with, who you had worked so hard to find– could be in danger? You could hardly sit by and twiddle your thumbs. So you begin your case.

“I may not be gifted in shaping my Evocation spells, but I have plenty of supportive spells,” you say, gesturing for Astarion to sit on his bed, the first undershirt for the armor ready in your hands. “I can create stone or relay messages for you. If none of that is helpful, I can always use Magic Missile– it wouldn’t get in your way at all. Please, let me help.”

Astarion sits there, silent, as you plead and place each piece of armor on his body. Partway through the process, you register that you’ve never done this before– but your memories of your past-life have guided you step-by-step. 

You try to ignore the conflicting feelings bubbling up at that and focus on him, placing both hands on his now-armored shoulders. “Astarion, I won’t get in the way. I promise I will turn invisible or teleport out if anything goes wrong.”

Finally, he speaks again. “I appreciate that you care enough to help,” he starts, though he doesn’t sound like he appreciates it much. “But I’m afraid that you’re still not invited.”

You want to shake him, do something, anything to make him see you as an asset, an ally, someone he can trust with this. “But why not? Why teach me all of these things about the colony only to shut me out when it matters most?”

“Because this isn’t your responsibility!” he growls, glaring up at you through his lashes. “Because you are to remain here, stay safe, and live to see another day, despite all of your instincts to the contrary!”

His anger is palpable, pushing you back, off of him. You want to see the fear underneath his words, and you think you might get a glimpse. You want to understand where he’s coming from, to see yourself through his eyes. But all of that pales in comparison to the frustration building inside of you. Why won’t he take me seriously? “I can take care of myself!”

“I don’t have time for this,” he spits out as he stands up. “Shall I be brutally honest, darling? You’re too weak. You are not the Hero of Baldur’s Gate. And even if you were, I would tell you to stay here. ”

You know his words are meant to injure you, to deter you and keep you hidden away in this mansion, but they don’t hurt any less. You’re not sure what to say to him, can’t bring yourself to look at him as he storms out, toward the hidden entrance to the Underdark.

Just as he’s about to leave your periphery, into the illusory wall, he calls back. “I know you’re angry, but please, stay put. And if anyone other than myself or my siblings comes through that door, you leave.”

With that, Astarion is gone, body melting into the wall, leaving you standing in his room alone, emotions frayed and hands trembling with a silent rage.

You wait about thirty seconds before casting Invisibility on yourself.

You wait less than a minute after that to follow him.

He can treat me like a child all he wants, but I will make my own decisions. Even if those decisions involved diving head first into jeopardy. Watching him climb down the ladder, waiting for him to hit solid ground before you follow, you can't help but think back to your past week here. It had been lovely, born of a promise to forget the past and the spawn, focus on the present with him. But how unrealistic that truly was when faced with real danger.

So you trail him, careful to keep concentration on your invisibility, lest he catch you before you get to the colony. I’ll have to lose the invisibility sooner or later, you think. But I’d rather use it as an opportunity to attack.

You keep a distance between you through the field of Bibberbangs, on the walk toward the keep, but when you see Astarion dashing toward a small contingent, you begin to run after him.

Once you catch up to him, you notice the group appears to be comprised of most of his siblings. Out of arm's reach but well within earshot, you stay and listen to their conversation.

“Did we get a final count from the scouting party?” Astarion asks, and you see a tiefling, Aurelia you believe, step forward.

“A dozen at least, likely more. They’re organized, preparing to strike. Astarion, it’s not good,” she says. From your time with Astarion, you know that she’s been in charge of directing the scouting parties for at least a few decades.

Astarion grimaces but nods, turning to another sibling you recognize. “Leon, where do you need me?”

“The ambush point, if you’re ready. We need to head them off before they get any closer to the colony.” The man has been in charge of coordinating the various groups ever since your past-self died, and, from what you gathered, had grown into his leadership role well.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. What is our final count?”

Dal answers this one. “Our numbers haven’t improved much since last night. We only have about thirty in any real fighting shape. A few who are willing to fight if it means they feed, but none I would consider strong fighters. There are others on the ballistas ready for support fire though. Petras should be up there with them now.”

Astarion makes an annoyed sound. After helping him with colony logistics, you knew that their fighting numbers were low, too many had died in prior raids, too many had been without blood for too long, but you hadn’t expected it to get this bad. You half wonder if you would do better to offer your body up to them, rather than your magic.

You don’t have time to dwell on the idea before Astarion is asking his next question, “Very well. Violet is with the evacuees, I take it?”

Leon nods, and continues, “Yes. We’ve had more than enough time to evacuate the noncombatants. It’s now just a matter of keeping these hunters at bay.”

Astarion’s posture seems to loosen a bit at that, but not by much. You’ve not seen Astarion this serious since you were fighting a world-ending horror– and even then he had room for jokes. But clearly the man before you was different. Like he’d lost enough, and for the survival of his siblings, his family, he would do what needed to be done.

He turns to look down at his shortest sibling. “Yousen, come with me.”

The gnome gives a curt nod and pulls out his weapon. “After you.”

You’re torn at that moment. You want to follow Astarion, ensure that he remains safe above all else. But you also know that he would disapprove of you joining any type of ambush, that you may truly prove to be a distraction for him. Besides, what kind of wizard gets within stabbing distance?

So you watch him run off, Yousen in tow. As your heart sinks deep into the pits of your stomach, you wonder if the worry you feel is that of a friend. But you don’t have time to ponder anything as trite as your feelings for Astarion– you have to find a position that won’t hinder, somewhere you can help and show Astarion that you are capable of standing by his side. Metaphorically at the very least.

The rest of the siblings disperse after confirming their orders. Leon heads to the front of the keep, Aurelia returns to her scouts, and Dal seems to be heading somewhere secluded. From your dreams and learning of the colony, you know Dal to be a healer, so she ought to be heading somewhere away from the fight. You follow her.

Much as you suspected, she moves up into the battlement of the keep, close enough to provide support, but far enough to stay out of danger. Perfect, you think. You silently thank her, wishing you could send her a message without breaking your invisibility or chirp up without terrifying her. As it is, you have to take your time, wait for the perfect opportunity to be helpful.

The wait is excruciating. You may as well be in the Astral Plane for how little time seems to be moving. 

A level below you, Petras and some spawn are preparing their ballistas. To your side, Dal sorts health potions, arranging ingredients to make more. All you can do is breathe as quietly as possible, rest your arms on the crenel before you, and hope that your spells will be able to reach.

It turns out that your hopes hardly matter in the face of real combat. One second you’re standing there, almost bored, and the next you spot Dalyria’s head pop up like a frightened rodent. “Petras! Take cover!” she yells.

Time seems to stop. You register that she’s diving into cover, that the sending stone she’d been holding had fallen to the ground, and that out of the corner of your eye a burst of bright light is rapidly approaching.

Crap. 

You fall to the floor, hoping that will provide enough protection. Hoping, beyond all hope, that for some reason the Fireball will simply not hit you. Of course that’s not how magic works, you would know. 

Only a split second later, the fiery burst explodes before you. You don’t even have time to feel fear or to react with a spell of your own. Luckily for you, the battlements provide some cover, and you manage to maintain concentration on your invisibility. But gods does it burn. 

You can’t help the yelp that escapes your lips, and you note that Dalyria’s head turns toward you at the sound. She seems to have escaped the blast, hiding behind a wall, but you swear the expression on her face is more wounded than you are. The woman’s face is sad, it’s scared, and so tired.

You’re reminded of the dream you’d had, of your former-self helping to defend the vampire’s previous keep. After nearly three centuries of living in survival mode, the exhaustion in Dal’s eyes is warranted. Frankly, you don’t know if you would have the strength to last as long as she and the other spawn have. But, for at least today, you would muster it.

It’s easy enough to piece together what happened. Dal received a message from the scouts or from the frontlines, they were targeting the support lines, and you needed to get the hells out of these battlements.

You crawl forward, grabbing the Sending Stone before you make your way to Dal’s hiding spot. Making sure you’re out of swinging reach, you call to Dalyria, “Dal, it’s me.” She adjusts her gaze, honing in on where you are now. “I’m here to help.”

The woman nods, clearly too fueled by adrenaline to be shocked by your presence. “I knew you would come,” she says quickly. “Astarion is such an ass sometimes.”

While you agree with her, you decide not to comment on that. He had likely told them you were indisposed or didn’t want to be here, but you need her to know that that has never been the truth. “Of course I would come. Where do you need me?”

“Astarion said they’ve split their forces. The second group has a wizard, that’s where that Fireball came from,” she says, eyes darting back out to the rest of the keep, where the sounds of battle have begun to ring. “Do you have anything that could help neutralize their wizard?”

You think to yourself, wishing more than anything you had prepared the spell Silence. As it is, you have plenty of other, far less useful spells at your disposal. But you’re not about to tell Dal that, not when she’s looking in your vague direction with a set of hopeful, pleading red eyes. Eyes that remind you of the vampire who is also in danger at this very moment.

So you sound far more confident than you feel when you say, “Certainly, I’ll head there immediately.”

Before you go, you try to give her the Sending Stone back, in the event she needs to communicate with Astarion. She pushes the rock back into your invisible hand with a shake of her head. “No, no, you’ll be out there. You need this more than I do. Astarion has the matching stone, call for him if you need help.”

You decide not to tell her that Astarion might just kill you himself if he hears your voice through the stone, and instead thank her, pocketing the stone. “Stay safe,” you say as you hurry toward the stairs once more.

“You too,” she calls after you.

Then you’re running down the stairs, two at a time, no longer caring who might hear your invisible steps. After all, the din of combat is drowning out everything else. A few Fireballs hit the battlements you’d just left and you hear the following cries of those on the ballistas. You had known that fighting would be loud, scary, dangerous–but gods did you still miss the comfort of knowing that at the end of it all you would wake up, untouched.

You don’t know where to go or how to get there, so you find your feet moving on instinct, toward all of the sounds that should terrify you.

Once you’re finally in the fray, you see the two groups, as Dal had described. The group at the mouth of the keep is being held at bay by Leon and his forces, and you can see Astarion’s group dropping behind, preparing for another sneak attack. You hug a wall to get closer to the second group, all the while watching Astarion’s lithe form move in on an enemy.

You can’t help but be in awe at seeing the man in his element.

Armor hugging his body, knives gleaming in his hands, he looks every bit the dangerous, roguish vampire he was when you first dreamt of him. The difference is that now, instead of fear, you feel an odd sense of pride. That’s right, you think. Stab him again!

But you can’t let him distract you, you’re nearly to the second group of hunters. There are at least six to your quick count, each looking as nasty and well equipped as the last. Now that you’re close you can see the wizard, standing in the back, already preparing another spell.

Again, you curse yourself. Why didn’t you prepare Counterspell, you idiot? It’s too late for regrets though, you’d had no idea what you might be getting into when you arose that morning. All you could do was work with what information you had.

Despite all of your memories, nothing can prepare you for this moment, when you finally, truly enter a combat situation. Your mind races with possibilities, and you’re struck by the fact that none of them are the right solution. There is no right solution to a battle. 

So you go with your instinct. 

You run forward, directly in front of the wizard’s line of sight. At the end of your run you slide to the earth, landing a mere few feet away from the group in front of you as you place both palms on the ground.

The invisibility drops as you recite the incantation for Stone Shape and the earth beneath you bursts forth into a large stone wall, at least five feet tall, another five feet wide. It leaves a crater in its wake, pulling from the ground to materialize.

It seems to form just in time as the heat of a Fireball collides with the wall, flames burst out of both sides. Excitement surges through you as you realize your plan worked. You hear shouts behind the wall, the vampire hunters eating a face full of their own fire.

You remain on the ground, now visible, sure that the group on the other side is still alive if their shouts are any indication. Oh this isn’t a good place to be, you think belatedly.

It certainly isn’t, as you hear the hunters make their way around the brand new trench in the ground. I need to get out of here . “Inveniam viam!” Your whole body turns to mist as you step further back into the keep, still feeling naked in how visible you are. 

You take a single moment to assess the situation. The hunters have gotten around the wall, though if their singed armor is any indication, the Fireball certainly helped weaken them. The mage seems no worse for wear, too far back to truly be hurt, but their eyes are now trained on you.

There goes my element of surprise, you think. And they probably did prepare Counterspell…

You try not to think too hard about how disastrous this wizard-on-wizard battle may prove, trying instead to find which group you may be able to support. That’s when you lock eyes with the exact pair of red eyes you had been dreading this entire time.

You’re too far to hear him, but it's easy enough to see his lips mouth your name. He looks angry, angrier perhaps than you’ve ever seen him, and his next stab seems particularly erratic. 

Oh gods, he’s going to get hurt if I distract him too much, you think in a panic. I need to get out of here, give him a chance to calm down. 

“Evanesco!” you call, trying to call forth the magic for Invisibility once more. But of course, you wouldn’t get the chance to try the same trick twice. 

You feel the Counterspell more than see or hear it. It’s like your body rejects the magic as it tries to come out, and you’re left awkwardly standing there as the group of hunters close in on your position. Shit.

For the first time in your life you feel it for yourself: real, unfiltered fear.

You had always been horrified at this possibility. That when faced with actual danger, you would not rise to the occasion. But now that you’re here, you want to smack your legs, you want to jostle your own shoulders, push yourself into the action that you had craved.

RUN, damn you, you think, willing your shaking legs to move. All of those dreams of combat, of fighting by Astarion’s side, could all come true right now if you just moved.

Then you hear a cry. 

It’s not bloodcurdling, it’s not particularly painful, rather a soft “argh” coming from the man you’d stupidly followed into danger. He’d been reckless, gotten himself nicked in his fury. But it’s all you need to jolt into action. 

You’d promised Astarion that you wouldn’t cause any undue damage, no Evocation in the house and what not. But all of your promises were tossed aside the second he uttered a single pained sound.

Holding out a hand, you call out your most destructive spell.

You can feel the mage try to Counterspell you once more, as your magic wavers ever so slightly. But his attempt fails and a massive wall of fire rips out of the ground, like the hells themselves have torn the earth asunder. 

You’d controlled yourself well enough, and you’re almost certain you haven’t trapped any unsuspecting vampire spawn in a fiery blaze. The hunters, on the other hand, were not nearly so lucky. They’d been approaching you in such a way that they all got caught in the Wall of Fire, all save that damn wizard.

Their cries are high-pitched, desperate things, as they run through the wall, stumbling toward you like some sort of twisted Fire Elementals. They refuse to go down without a fight.

Your legs stumble back, as you narrowly avoid a few of their attacks, one glances off your Mage Armour, another catches your robe, leaving a single bleeding line on your arm. You’re not sure how readily they will fall, but you certainly won’t let them take you with them. 

“Tormentum!” you shout, as a stream of glowing darts shoot out of your fingers. You strike each of them as you pour more and more of your magic into the spell. Distantly, you can hear Astarion calling for you.

With your unoccupied hand you grab the Sending Stone, “Don’t come for me. I’m fine.”

His response is immediate, “Like hells I will, you bloody fool!”

You don’t have the wherewithal to know where Astarion might be at this point, but when a single blade bursts out of a man’s neck, you suspect that you have a good idea. A second later a second man collapses, clutching at a dagger twisting between his ribs. 

Astarion stands behind them, silver hair streaked with bloody red strands, his face dappled with scarlet as well. He may be stabbing them, but his eyes are trained on you, fury not diminished in the slightest.

You want to thank him, tell him you didn’t need the help, appreciate that he’s still alive, standing in front of you. But you can’t because another spell is being fired at you– the wizard’s Magic Missile is about to hit when you reflexively put up a Shield spell.

Turning back to the damnable wizard, you call to Astarion, “Yell at me all you want later. Focus on the wizard!”

“That’s probably what they’re saying,” he retorts, but does dutifully turn his attention to the mage.

As he runs and vaults through the wall of fire, landing behind the stone you shaped. All the while, you shoot off a returning volley of missiles, hitting the remaining hunters and the mage in an attempt to provide cover. 

You wish you had more in you, could summon another blazing wall right on top of the enemy wizard, but you’re reaching your limit. You can feel your magic waning– you likely only have a few spells left in you. Better make them count.

You shoot one last magic missile, assuring that the hunters in front of you are well and done. As you do so, Astarion reaches the mage, stabbing at them in two fluid motions. You see the mage Shield in response, hear Astarion’s annoyed grunt.

I need to give him an opening, you think. You’re growing lightheaded from overexertion, and you can barely feel the Weave as you try to summon your next spell. “Non movere,” you whisper, pointing a finger at the mage. 

The spell overcomes them and the mage is frozen in place. Astarion takes prompt advantage of the Hold Person, stabbing him in several vital areas, likely killing him in place.

Fantastic, you think, swaying on your feet as your knees start to give out from under you. The world fades to black as the magic dissipates from your fingertip. The last thing you see is Astarion’s panicked face, slowly drifting out of your view as your body collapses.

___

You can’t recall the start of your seventeenth day in Astarion’s house. At least, most of it.

Everything aches, you hear voices, you feel healing magic, but your mind retains nothing as you slip in and out of consciousness over and over again. The only things you can recall are the sensation of sheets surrounding you, pillows beneath your head and the whisper of your name on Astarion’s lips. 

You’re an elf– this kind of sleep is unnatural to you. Could you be dying? You have a moment of panic during a short burst of clarity, Am I already dead? Is this it? But you fall back into the darkness before the thought can take hold.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity in a ceaseless cycle of consciousness and unconsciousness, you open your eyes to the back of a familiar silver-haired vampire tending the fireplace. He’s dressed once more in his comfortable, luxurious attire, and you briefly wonder if the previous day had been a dream.

You blink, confused at the sudden change in environment. The last thing you remember was letting loose your spell then– well, you suppose you don’t know what happened next.

“Oh good,” Astarion says, walking toward you and sitting on the edge of the bed. “You’re awake." Distantly, you remember him waking you up just yesterday with those words. Feels like a lifetime ago now.

You sit up, a bit groggily, stretching out your limbs. They all seem intact, and you don’t even feel injured, all of your aches magically gone. “I am– is everyone alright? What… happened?”

“Everyone is fine. Well, save for the vampire hunters,” he answers. “Your destructive little wall kept them from getting too far. Nothing a few nights of healing and some rebuilding won’t fix.”

Your whole body aches from disuse and you wonder how long you must have been resting. Likely longer than you ever have before. “What time is it?”

“It’s late,” he replies, gesturing toward the darkness outside. “Dal’s been tending to your injuries, and luckily they’re minor, but you still needed the rest. Seems like you used more magic than you were used to, mm?”

His words chastise you, but the look on his face is so muted, his posture incredibly stilted– you have a momentary alarm. Is this really Astarion? “I must have. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he says, crossing his legs and turning away from you.

It’s hard to believe him when he reacts like that. “You don’t seem fine.”

“I just…” He takes a breath, and you can see the way his back rises and falls with a tremble. “I was worried.”

“About… me?” you hazard the question. You know you’d grown closer in the last few weeks, but you also don’t want to presume.

Now he turns back to you with a glare, his red eyes sparkling with rage. “Yes, you! For being a wizard, you’re such a gods-forsaken dunce. I told you not to join us and did you even pretend to listen?”

You had not, so you bear the brunt of his anger with what you hope is grace. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, genuinely apologetic despite your initial gusto at joining the fray. You’d felt the fear in those moments, the first time in your life that this body, that you could have genuinely died. You’re not too proud to say that you hated that fear. “I just wanted to help.”

“That’s always the case with people like you, isn’t it?” he says, leaning toward you menacingly. “Always playing the hero and neglecting to even consider the danger they put themselves in? Did you never once consider that I was trying to keep you safe?”

Every word brought Astarion closer and closer into your space, and you start to sink back into the pillows to get away from his fury. “I know you were,” you say, voice still naught but a wisp. “I tried to be careful.” You had, you swear you had– why does it look like that doesn’t matter to him?

“Careful isn't good enough,” he hisses, his face mere inches from yours now. You can feel the next breath he exhales as he continues, calmer now, “I told you already. I refuse to get attached to you only to lose you.”

Is he attached to me? you think, eyes darting between his ruby ones. He’s dangerously close to you and he’s waiting for something. Your response, you idiot. You think back to what he said, trying to ignore the way his body is angled over yours. “I promise. You won’t lose me.” 

An impossible promise to keep, surely. But it’s exactly what he’d been hoping to hear.

“Good,” he murmurs. Then he closes the distance between you, crashing his lips on yours in a desperation you thought reserved for the starving.

You should pull away, push him off of you, at the very least protest. But after a life or death situation, you can’t help it. Something in you wants the very same solace he seeks. So you close your eyes. You twine your fingers into his hair. You press your lips to his in the same ravenous fervor.

He drinks in your reaction, lips chasing yours as cages you in with his arms. A moment later, you feel the blankets that had so carefully been tucked around you tossed aside, you feel one of his hands find your hip.

Oh gods, what am I doing? I can’t do this. Your mind is racing, trying its best to keep up as Astarion climbs over you.

Why not, you’ve done this so many times in your dreams. Your hands move of their own accord, leaving his hair to run down his arms.

We're not ready, you tell yourself. Astarion shivers at your touch and you feel his hands pulling at the neck of your robe to expose more of your flesh.

Will you ever be? Your head rolls back and Astarion dips his head down to touch his cold lips to your collarbone.

Maybe, given some more time… His fingers pull at the front ties of your robe, as you begin to unbutton his silk shirt.

What's the use of more time? You could have died yesterday. You could die any day. Ties undone, Astarion tugs at your robes a bit more, leaving your chest exposed.

I don't want to ruin this. Your breathing comes out a bit erratic as his lips trail up your neck, sucking hungrily but never drawing any blood.

What's one night of passion? Your past-self had this and more before they so much as spoke a single word of love. Your hands tug at his sleeves, all but tearing off his delicate shirt in an effort to touch more of him.

I'm not them, you think. Halfway through stroking his exposed chest, Astarion’s hand catches yours, pinning it above your head as he pulls you into another searing kiss.

You may as well be. His hand in yours, the way his leg presses into you– it all feels so familiar. So what's the harm in being the Hero of Baldur's Gate? Just this once?

That’s how, after years of silently judging your past-self for their loveless trysts with Astarion, you find yourself in much the same predicament. Only you’re not sure how you feel. You only know that there’s no way that this man, who’s driving force right now is likely fear, will love you come morning.

Who cares? the deepest, most primal part of your mind asks.

As Astarion finishes disrobing you, you wonder vaguely if this is what the hero felt. If near death had brought them to the brink of a terror that they couldn’t overcome, a terror that only Astarion’s cold lips, slick tongue, and nimble fingers would fix.

And by the gods above do they feel like the solution to even the most complex of problems.

His lips suckle at the ridge of your ear, sucking on its tip in such a way that draws a soft, unintentional whimper from your mouth. "Oh darling," he whispers, voice low and taunting. "I knew those dulcet tones would be my undoing.”

You want to retort, to shut his clever mouth up, but before you can so much as collect yourself, his lips are on yours again, opening them in a single, languid movement. His tongue, like the rest of him, is chill to the touch, a refreshing burst of cold as he explores your mouth.

Complaints all but forgotten, you relinquish yourself to him. His fingers leave you squirming under him as he traces the lines of your bare body. They never seem to stop moving, searching for each new piece of your skin that requires attention.

And sweet hells is he relentless in his search. Even if you didn't already know of his vast experience, this would have been a clear indicator. His probing fingers know how to play a body like an instrument, and he was tuning yours to play only the loveliest melody for him.

Astarion finally pulls his hands, his lips away. You want to groan in protest, but you’re enraptured by the stretch of his torso, the way his shoulders flex as he removes the last remnants of his clothing. His form laid bare before you, you can’t help but think that surely you’re paying witness to another’s lurid fantasy. Surely this beautiful figure bathed in firelight, celestial in his loveliness, could not be for you?

But he is, if for the moment.

Even if his movements are too perfect, his kisses too sweet– he feels real in the moment, simply because the sheer desperation never leaves him. His hands squeeze, his teeth bite, his words of passion come hurried and breathy between nips. It's abundantly clear what his goal is to you, as it’s similar to your own. He wants to feel you under him, around him, alive. You’re only too happy to oblige.

So you ensure that each of his movements is matched with one of yours. That when he bites, you lean into it; when his fingers probe between your legs, you buck into him; when he chuckles into your ear 'my, you're an eager little treat', you moan his name into his ear without shame.

You'd been with Astarion in more dreams than you would have been comfortable to admit. But, as with every experience you'd had since arriving here, it was nothing compared to living through it with your own body.

It’s not long before you realize that this body feels each touch differently, its sweet spots new treasure troves for Astarion's searching fingers– ones he seems eager to find for you as new indecent sounds pass your lips.

He seems to devour each sound, eager to consume any bit of you that’s ripe for the taking. That’s when you see past his need to feel you alive. No, he wants you to be his. He wants your noises, your body, your soul for his own.

As he expertly strokes between your legs with one hand, the other squeezes your hip, all but pinning you to the bed. In that moment, it doesn’t feel like he’s loving you. It feels like he’s keeping you in place. Like he doesn’t know how else to make sure that you won’t slip through his fingers, like your past-self before you.

You wish you could reassure him, tell him that you would never make the same mistake twice, but both of you know that’s not true. So instead you allow yourself to delude yourself, for at least this one night.

His body asks the question, “Will you really, truly stay with me, live for me?”

Yours responds with a sonorous, deceitful, “Yes.”

Astarion rubs his length between your thighs, almost teasing in its slow, rolling motion, but his hand never leaves your hip.

He palms himself with one hand, ready for you, but the other never leaves your hip.

Even as he thrusts into you, setting a brutal, punishing pace, his hand never leaves your hip.

It doesn’t bother you, this constant reassurance, but it does stoke the fear that already grips your heart. Despite the kisses he lavishes upon you, despite the sweet words that drip from his mouth to yours– you can’t stop thinking about the fact that you could have died. You could very well have left Astarion alone, again, wondering why he ever let another into his life.

Something about that thought pushes you forward to seek your pleasure, to give him every piece of you that you can, lest you lose it by tomorrow.

You don’t know how many times you lose yourselves in each other. By the end of it all, it all feels like another one of your dreams. But you do know that, for the first time since you regained consciousness, you don’t feel that fear any more– only his body, your own, and the beautiful music that they play together.

The night ends with both of you exhausted, laying on your backs and staring up at the ceiling to the room you used to call your own in a past-life. After two days of some of the most you’ve ever exerted yourself, your nightly meditation comes all too easily. Before you slip into your reverie, your last, fleeting thought is of Astarion: I don’t know how we got here, I don’t suppose it truly matters. But thank you for caring about me, in whatever way you can.

[spideystevie]

fire alarms

summary: kids pulling the fire alarm at three a.m. as a prank isn’t funny, but your neighbor peter finds your spidey pajama bottoms to be. 

word count: 2.2k words

a/n: my little neighbors!au for @spidervee​​’s april au event. had a lot of fun with this one! loosely edited and there might be a swear word or two, the usual. hope you enjoy it

masterlist!

There’s a part of you that regrets moving into a new apartment in the middle of August. The heat simmers off the street and the sun beats down, causing sweat to form along your hairline. Your palms are sweaty, making the grip you have on the box unstable. 

It nearly slips out of your hands when you step out of the elevator. 

“Oh! Here, let me get that,” you hear before a pair of hands cover your own and the weight of the box lessens in your arms. A head peeks around the side of the box. A boy around your age, messy brown hair and matching eyes and a friendly smile that’s left you a little breathless. “Are you moving in?”

You blink at him before stammering out a response. “Oh. Oh! Thank you, I, um, yes! Yes, uh, apartment 5E.”

The boy straightens up, taking the box with him leaving your arms to fall down to your sides. His friendly smile morphs into a wide grin. “5D.”

You gape at him, mind running in circles. The universe had to be playing some kind of sick joke on you. First the deal on the apartment and now the cute next door neighbor? Was your good karma finally coming back around?

“I’ll help you with this. Do you have any other boxes that need to be carried up?” he asks, walking down the hall leaving you trying to keep up with his longer strides. You step in front of your door, pulling out the college lanyard that your keys hang off of. 

“You don’t have to. I’m sure you were on your way out, I don’t wanna bother you,” you say, fumbling with the newest addition on your keyring and unlocking the door for your neighbor to step inside and set the box down. 

“Nonsense,” he sets the box on top of a stack of others. His eyes scan the apartment, taking note of the furniture already in place. He turns to you and holds out a hand. “I’m Peter, by the way. Peter Parker.”

“Y/N,” you slide your palm against his, your hand feeling a little small in his grip. You try to ignore the way your skin seemed to erupt with goosebumps from your hand in his and you hope he does too. Peter lets go of your hand. 

“Pretty name,” he mentions quickly and you bite back a grin. “Welcome to the building!”

Peter helps you carry the rest of your boxes up and makes sure you’re settled in okay before he heads out. When you lock the door behind him, you press your back against the door and heave a sigh. Oh, you were in trouble. 

Though you shared an adjacent wall, you rarely saw much of Peter after he helped you move into your apartment. You’d see him occasionally on campus when the fall semester began or pass by him in the hallway on your way to the elevator or that one run-in in the mail room.

You had practically rammed into him on your way out, mail falling on the floor. The air mixed with his apologies and your reassurances while you scrambled to grab your mail, refusing to meet his eyes. You left peter in the dust, stuck with the yearning to talk to you and wishing you had at least looked at him before scurrying out of the mail room with heated cheeks.

Something in you felt pulled towards Peter. You wanted to know him, really know him. Not just as the mysterious neighbor who helped you move in and kept you up at night because the walls were so thin. But your curiosity had yet to get the better of you. 

It was nearing the end of fall, winter looming just around the corner. The wind bit more at your nose when you’d walk the couple of blocks to and from class, leaving it twinged red and a little numb when you’d get inside. 

It hadn’t been your day. You were up all night praying desperately to whatever god was out there that Peter could just go to bed himself or at least stop making so much goddamn noise. 

Rain sounds, pillow over your head, melatonin, none of it seemed to work until your body finally gave way and crashed, leaving you scrambling out of bed with five minutes until you were meant to leave for your morning class. 

The day only seemed to tumble downhill from there, ending finally with a run-in with Peter on your way to your front door. Your nerves normally get the best of you around him, giddiness rushing through you but right now, there was a level of annoyance because he just couldn’t go to bed at a reasonable hour last night.

Peter was cute, something you noticed when you first met, despite the fact that he kept you up at night with the groans and bumps against the wall. All long limbed and tousled brown hair, he was a walking dream. 

You felt a little silly whenever you’d feel your heart seem to lurch in his direction whenever you saw him. There was no way you could develop a crush on your neighbor, no matter how cute he was. 

You almost tell him as such when you physically run into him and he makes effortless conversation with you. The keys at the bottom of your bag spent a lot of time getting shuffled around while you talked to him before he told you he had to run. 

Limbs heavy and head pounding, you’re surprised you manage to change into your pajamas before slipping into bed.

It feels like minutes have passed when you’re woken up by the screech of the building’s fire alarm blaring. In a daze you forget to grab any kind of jacket or coat, barely remembering to slip on shoes and grab your keys on the way out the door. 

Realization nips at your nose the second you step outside into the early morning air. You’re shivering in seconds, arms wrapping around your body and hands rubbing against the skin of your arms. You glance down, almost mortified at the old stained t-shirt you threw on and the Spider-Man pajama pants you bought as a joke that you wore to bed. 

The other tenants in your building, huddle together in a crowd outside. You glance around at everyone, subconsciously looking for Peter to make sure he made it out okay. Almost like a sixth sense, your eyes find him as he comes out of the building and already you want to hide. 

Peter smiles in recognition when he spots you, something that makes your stomach twist around itself. He comes up to stand next to you, eyes looking you over and taking in the clothes you’re in. His eyes linger on your pants, an amused smile taking over and a light chuckle escaping him.

“Spider-Man pajamas?” is all he says. You’ve never wanted the earth to open up and swallow you whole as much as you did right then. Your cheeks flush, though it could’ve been from the cold. You groan in spite of yourself. 

“This is so not funny! I clearly didn’t expect to be forced out of bed at 3 am when choosing what to wear to bed,” you complain, hugging yourself tighter while Peter lets his laughter get the better of him. He takes note of the way your jaw tenses as you try to stop your teeth from chattering. 

“You also didn’t seem to take into account that it’s the middle of November and you didn’t bring any sort of jacket with you,” he quips, shrugging his off to offer it to you. He holds it out and you stare at it before blinking up at him. 

“I can’t take that, then you won’t have one,” you try to reason and Peter only shrugs. 

“I’ll be fine,” he says while draping it over your shoulders. Your fingers instinctively grip it and pull it around you, praying he doesn’t notice your racing heart or the way you subconsciously nuzzle your nose against the collar where a scent so distinctly him lingers. A soft smile of thanks graces your face when he looks at you, one he can’t help himself from returning. 

“So, um,” you clear your throat, trying your best to remain normal enough in front of your really pretty neighbor. One who still looks good even when he’s just rolled out of bed. You can’t even imagine what your hair looks like right now. “Do you know what set the alarm off?”

“A stupid prank from some kids. Thought it’d be funny to pull the fire alarm, I guess,” he answers, looking around at everyone around the two of you. You nod, bouncing on your feet and sucking in a breath. 

“Yeah, real funny,” you mumble, sparing a glance at Peter’s side profile. He’s got a scattering of freckles on his cheek that trail onto his nose and disappear onto the other side, you notice. Sensing your eyes on him, he turns his head and catches your eyes before you can look away. 

“Are you doing okay?” the question catches you off guard. The abruptness of it causes your eyebrows to furrow and confusion to take over your features. Peter’s tongue comes out to wet his lips before he goes on. “Just, when I caught you in the hallway earlier, you looked a little worse for wear.”

“Oh,” is all you can say, eyes looking down to your shoes. You look back at him and shrug with a small smile. “Just wasn’t my day ‘s’all. Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night either.”

The last sentence has a bite to it that has you cursing yourself the second it slips from your tongue. Peter winces a little, apologies swimming in his eyes and rising to the tip of his tongue. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I know the walls are thin, that wasn’t very neighborly of me,” he says. You smile at him, wanting to smooth out the apologetic worry lines on his face with your thumb. 

“It’s alright, just..I dunno maybe try to be a little quieter?” you suggest with a shrug. Peter nods rapidly. He glances around at the crowd, noticing that they’ve been cleared to go back inside the building. 

“Do you maybe, wanna get coffee later? On me, of course as an apology for last night,” he feels like a nervous little kid again, rocking on his feet. A gentle smile curves around your lips, your feet falling into step with his as he starts to follow the crowd back inside.

“Yeah, okay. Coffee is nice,” you say, ducking under his arm that holds the door open. The smiles on yours and Peter's faces dissipate when you come across the array of people waiting for the elevator up to their floors. 

Your sleep fogged brain and thumping heart desperate for more time with Peter speak before you can react, “Maybe the stairs will be faster?”

The stairs were not faster. And although you suggested it, you never expected Peter to agree with you. Quiet, frustrated grumbles escape you all the way to the fifth floor, ones Peter picks up on thanks to his enhanced abilities and he has to bite back a laugh.

You’re praising whatever god is out there when you reach the fifth floor and make it to your front door. Peter lets himself laugh a little at this, leaning up against the wall in between your front doors and watching you pull your keys out of the pocket in your pajama pants. 

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” you’re still trying to catch your breath from trying to keep up with Peter while climbing five flights of stairs. Peter, who still hasn’t broken a sweat and looks just as good as he did when he walked up to you outside, nods with an amused smile. You’re still wearing his jacket around your shoulders he notices but he keeps it to himself, liking the way it hangs around you. 

“Yeah. Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be more quiet, promise,” his voice is soft and there’s a hint of adoration to it. You unlock your door and push it open.

“Goodnight, Peter,” your voice just above a whisper, sleepy smile adorning your face. The door closes before he can respond and Peter whispers his own goodnight to the closed door before heading inside his own apartment. 

The sleepy smile is twinged with something rose tinted and your heart skips around your chest. You’d barely spoken to him, there was no way you could like Peter like that.

It’s when you go to get in bed that you catch a wave of him and realize you still have his jacket. At the same time, a crash sounds from the other side of the wall immediately followed by a loud apology from Peter. You roll your eyes but a laugh escapes you nonetheless, your head falling against your pillow. 

You stare up at the ceiling, wrapped up in Peter’s jacket still and the covers of your bed, a small smile on your face. Your skipping heart tells you that you might really like Peter and your brain whispers the same thought from the day you first met. Oh, I’m in trouble.

[dmsden]

Nuts & Bolts - Personal Plot for Artificers

Hullo, Gentle Readers. Don’t you love when a small town hero makes it big? I know I do. The Artificer has been a class I’ve loved for years, but it’s always occupied a niche existence over in Eberron. I certainly have allowed Artificers to creep out to other campaign worlds, but they’ve never been so completely embraced as they are now. With the release of Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, the Artificer has become part of Core D&D.  If you haven’t already gotten your teeth into the Artificer through Eberron, I strongly recommend picking up a copy of Tasha’s...and not JUST for the Artificer. You’ll also get tons of new subclasses, magic-items, spells, and other assorted goodies. It’s a big expansion to D&D 5E, and it’s a lot of fun to read.

A little grain of salt must be taken here. Your DM is, of course, the final arbiter of what works and what doesn’t in their campaign world. If they say that their world has no artificers, then that’s the final word. For my part, I’m happy to welcome the Artificer to D&D’s wider reality, and, even before I knew Tasha would feature these crafty folks, I had planned to write a Personal Plot article for them.

Someone playing an artificer is likely looking for a different kind of story. Their character, after all, is an inventor...maybe he got tossed out of magic school for praising works of metal and the forge. Maybe he’s always been drawing ideas for inventions in the dirt or on any surface she could. They might be a bit of a loner, or they may be super-excited to show their beloved inventions to the world. They may be excited to explain everything, or they may be more comfortable around mechanical devices than people. I find myself thinking of Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. 

If I had an Artificer in my campaign, I would definitely talk to the player about what they’d like to see in terms of other inventors. If they’d like to feel there’s a more firm backing and to have their curious bit of technology somewhat supported, I’d likely introduce some kind of Inventor’s Guild. In a situation like this, there might be rivals, mentors, guildmasters, and all sorts of NPCs that your PC could have a relationship with. Maybe they have tasks they need to perform for their mentors or guildmasters, or maybe their rival’s made need for validation will lead to a climactic battle with a Warforged Titan.

A thirst for knowledge is likely to be driving the PC along. Did they create the technology they’re using, or are they drawing on ancient technologies recovered from a fallen Warforged Colossus, the mysterious “City of the Gods” from Blackmoor, or even a curious “metal cave” in the Barrier Peaks? If the PC salvaged and modified existing technologies, it would make sense for them to seek out other instances of this technology. In my own campaign ,the mystic technologies of the Old Ones would be a perfect springboard for an Artificer’s storyline.

To flip this idea on its head, the Artificer could understand how dangerous the technologies they unleashed are, and they could be acting to stop it. Percival de Rolo of Critical Role’s season one would make an excellent example of an Artillerist Artificer. A number of the campaign’s plots involved others who learned to use the guns that Percy more or less invented and trying to keep those out of the hands of those who would do evil with them. Imagine a Battle Smith Artificer whose father created a mighty mechanical servant that was stolen by an evil warlord. Perhaps a major storyline of the campaign would involve going after the warlord and finding a way to destroy the servant so that it could not be corrupted again. This adds a touch of Tony Stark/Iron Man 2 to the blend as well.

An interesting concept to examine would be if there were a reversal of the roles of technology and magic from how they are perceived in our world. Perhaps magic is considered natural and proper, and technology is viewed with suspicion and superstition. It might be entertaining if you had a well-respected wizard turning his nose up at this new-fangled tech, or even calling for an artificer to be burned for the heretical teachings they’re espousing!

I hope this has you planning some fun inventions to tantalize your techie pal, the Artificer, should one end up at your gaming table. If you have ideas for an Artificer plot, let us all know!

[estelofimladris]

The Healer: Critical Role

[ warning: here follows a long rambling story of feelings about losing a fandom and finding new love and happiness in an unexpected way ]

Here’s a little personal story about how some fandoms hurt and some heal. It goes from Fillory to Exandria. (It feels really right when I say it that way.)

I wasn’t ready for the healing that I got, but it’s here now. Thank Sarenrae.

Everyone loves that thunderstruck feeling when you fall in love with a fandom. It’s literally like all the tropes about falling in love. You meet and sometimes there’s just a spark.

That was me with The Magicians. I spent a year immersed in a welcoming fandom in a show that made me feel seen and whole. I had friends in the fandom as well as the friends irl who were into the show. I got to dive into it when I really needed a fandom to help carry me a little through a hard time.

It was heaven. Until it wasn’t.

In April of 2019, The Magicians broke my heart. Again, just like all the tropes about love. Just like a bad breakup, there’s things about it that I really enjoyed, but at the end of the day, I can’t go back to the way things were with that fandom. No matter how welcoming the fandom remained, I couldn’t go back because the show had cut me so deeply.

Then through 2019 and into 2020, I drifted through some new loves and lived in my love of some of my oldest fandoms. Lots of Star Wars. New excitement from Good Omens, The Dragon Prince, and The Old Guard. It’s not to say that I don’t love these things, but at least two of my new favs are, for the time being anyway, done. And, though Star Wars (and in the same breath my other love Marvel) are never really done, I like loving them in a bubble because as anyone in those fandoms knows it can be a complicated relationship.

Also in late 2019, my buddy @wittynamehere1443 decided she wanted to try and run a D&D campaign for our family of misfits. I hadn’t played since high school (D&D 3.5) and was super excited to get back into it. I picked up quite a bit while prepping to play from a mix of reading, remembering old things, and watching some tutorials and stuff on ye ol’ YouTube. I had dabbled in tabletop, but never thought I’d go charging back in, but once I started I couldn’t stop.

I immersed myself in as much as I could, but I’m really a visual & kinesthetic learner, so eventually I was going to have to supplement my book-learning with some real-play to really understand. I played as much as I could as I delved deeper, but even as I dove, I realized I wanted to do more. I started to write my own campaign setting and adventures. I suddenly found myself needing to just know how D&D worked without having to always have the books open.

Now, I had been lightly introduced to some real-play before I really understood what it was. A buddy of mine had shown me a clip of Critical Role out of context quite some time ago and I really didn’t understand how so many people I knew and shared a lot of crossover interests with could be so obsessed with watching 8 people play D&D.

My buddy who was now my DM had consumed all of The Adventure Zone and had very lovely things to say about it and I had the lingering curiosity about Critical Role form the many people who had recommended it to me as well as the complete mystery attached to why people loved it so. And me, being a big lover of visuals and being at home because of COVID, dipped my toe into real-play with the first episode of Critical Role back in late June.

I did it completely on my own at first, which is rare given that most things I watch, I watch them with my best friend and roommate, @hawkeyekate.

( Also, as a weird note, I’ve managed to deftly avoid most spoilers about Critical Role up to this point and I’m not completely sure how. I know one big one in Campaign 2, but until yesterday (when I watched the first episode of Campaign 2) I didn’t even know the classes of 1/2 of the Mighty Nein. I didn’t even know Sam played Nott until about three weeks ago. That bubble has come in very handy. )

I immediately began to get out of it what I was originally there for: great real-play with explanations of rules (especially vs. house rules and the whys of everything). Watching the cast fumble through transitioning from Pathfinder to D&D 5e was very helpful to me because I had some similar questions from the figments of memory I had from 3.5 as well as my other random tabletop experience. I was completely inspired and found myself cranking through pages upon pages of my own world and campaigns as well as delving deeper into my characters that I’d been honing already.

I quickly noticed that I was worrying less about the rules when I played and was getting to enjoy my character for who he is. I was starting to craft interesting mechanics and not just story in my adventures I was writing.

Lightning had struck and suddenly I was in love in a way I hadn’t been in a long time.

As I was watching Critical Role, I definitely wasn’t just learning to be a stronger DM and a better player. I found myself able to tell the twins apart. I was invested in the mysteries as they unraveled in Exandria. I hung on Mercer’s every word.

Then without warning, when the party said goodbye to Pike in Vasselheim, I found myself in tears. I don’t know why but I remember being so struck by that moment. I knew it was partly because Ashley was leaving for New York, but the story for Vox Machina hit a soft spot for me. I was no longer just watching 9 people play D&D. I was invested in the story, the characters, and the world.

I was suddenly a Critter.

I think notoriously at this point, when I fall for a fandom, its often connected to a character. I saw in Vax’ildan a lot of things that really sucked me in from the beginning. He is at the same time like many of my favorite characters of my youth and like many of my favorite characters as an adult. I feel like he’s my heartstrings manifest in a lot of ways, complete with many of the flaws in that.

Then what was a slow crawl accelerated. I would occasionally ramble to @hawkeyekate about the adventures of Vox Machina and it would be on when she was around, but she wasn’t exactly watching it with me. Then at some point during “The Trial of the Take”, she was suddenly sitting with me to watch. She was asking me to pause when she had to go do something - and wait for her.

We were watching together.

We were acutely aware of how the twins echoed things in us and that often we are referred to in the same sentence in the same way. I had my Vex’ahlia.

Only a little over a month later, we’ve battled Briarwoods and now we’re hunting Vestiges and gathering allies. It is a rare day that we don’t watch a little Critical Role. I sport my “Gilmore’s Glorious Goods” shirt. I’ve read Vox Machina: Origins and am making plans for two cosplays already.

I’ve also DM’d six sessions of my first adventure-turned-campaign in my own world I’ve built, Perlen. I play tabletop two-to-three days a week with my friends via the internet. I hoard dice.

I’ve fallen in love again and this time it feels safe.

I know good and bad things will come for Vox Machina ahead. I know the same can be said for The Mighty Nein in my future as well, but the Critters in my life have been so welcoming and it’s been so nice to have something new to talk to my friends about. And I trust the cast of Critical Role not to destroy things just because they made them like The Magicians creators did, a trust I didn’t think I would grow back any time soon. I know that some of the pains in Critical Role aren’t just scripted but are actually to chance, which gives me comfort, too. People live and die by the dice in tabletop and I can abide that. It doesn’t mean I won’t cry and ache every time something bad happens to them because I love them all.

So I will go running through Tal’dorei and look forward to Wildemount while I carve out the mountains and seas of my world of Perlen. I’ll cry when they hurt and smile every time Pike and Grog talk. I’ll be healed the way that stories can in ways I didn’t expect, which has now happened much more than once.

I’m here now and I love it.

[ special shout-out to the Critters in my life that have been so welcoming. Especially my super-enabler, @oniumbra. ]

[nerdarchy-blog]

The follow up to 2017’s Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, on Nov. 17, 2020 fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons upcoming Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything must indeed possess powerful magic to contain so much stuff in 192 pages — the exact page count of its predecessor according to Jeremy Crawford, principal rules designer of the game. The product of 18 months work the book includes material for Dungeons Masters and players of 5E D&D alike. I had an opportunity to join the press briefing with Crawford and Greg Tito, communications and press relations director for D&D and let me tell you, sitting on this was really exciting. Reading and hearing what players speculated on and wanting to say, “You’re all right! It’s all in the book. All the character options and new stuff you’re guessing about are inside!” So let’s get into Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything.

On the cover for Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything Tasha holds an ornate grimoire covered with symbols from the planes of existence in stunning art by Magali Villeneuve.

A delightful conversation about 5E D&D

No sense burying the lead — all the options and fresh new modular content you thought might be in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything is there. Subclasses for all the classes are in there. Alternate class features from the most popular Unearthed Arcana in the entirety of 5E D&D are in there. The artificer class is in there — including some tweaks, new infusions and the Armorer subclass that was loved by people, according to Crawford. The Aberrant Mind sorcerer, UA’s most highly rated content ever, is in there and so are many from the past year. Spell Versatility and new Beast Master Companions are in there and I know there’s untold numbers of players stoked to hear this. There’s new artwork for the Artillerist Artificer Specialist that was shared during the briefing too.

A human artificer balances his Eldritch Cannon on his shoulder as seen in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. [Art by Brian Valeza]

Like XGtE the book explores the titular character’s wonderfully complex point of view in comments on the content throughout, with nods to Tasha’s history in her comments and captions. One clue about Tasha’s mysterious origin reveals itself on the cover. The tattoo on her cheek is a chicken leg, which Crawford explained is an “echo of the chicken-legged hut that Baba Yaga lives in.”

A bunch of subclasses and class features only chicken scratches the surface of the scope of material. Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything is organized into four chapters. While perusing the material in the book readers learn more about Tasha and the lore surrounding her. Tasha’s life has involved the fantastic since the very beginning of her origins in the fey realms. As she became a brilliant and powerful wizard her adventures took her to other planes and dimensions so she is unfazed by beings of any sort, least of all her frenemy Mordenkainen.

Character options

Spells and magic items

Group patrons

Tools for Dungeon Masters

Customizing your origin is an important part of the development of the book and something the design team seems particularly proud of, for good reason. Players love the idea of more personalized character origin stories. I use This Is Your Life stuff from XGtE all the time and TCoE builds on that tremendously. Like, seriously a lot. The design goal was tools for players to create truly unique characters with amazingly magical origins and backstories.

This includes modifying traits during character creation to better reflect the story players want to tell and offers a lineage template with fill-in-the-blanks tools to totally personalize characters. The Lineage System introduces a new way to approach creating and playing characters and adventures in 5E D&D, a responsibility the design team takes very seriously as stewards of the game. During the press briefing Crawford and Tito explained how TCoE is one of multiple books demonstrating a shift in how D&D handles things like race.

Other changes include the removal of negative racial modifiers for certain races from Volo’s Guide to Monsters via errata. Crawford explained how their original intention for races like kobold and orc was as Monstrous Adventurers, separate from standard character options. This is why those options are included in their own section in VGtM along with options considered more powerful than standard in some cases, like yuan-ti and to a lesser extent goblins. Because this context is lost through the way so many players engage with 5E D&D through online tools and resources like D&D Beyond, it became a pain point for players and TCoE will include updated versions. Hooray for kobold and orc enthusiasts!

The Lineage System offers tools to create characters not bound by a species archetype. I love the way Crawford explained how this modular piece of content interacts with existing 5E D&D material. The core game, what is presented in the Player’s Handbook and other sources, illustrates an archetypal adventuring character like an elf. Choosing this option for your character represents playing Elfie McElferson in other words — the exact kind of elf that comes to mind when you think of D&D elves. The Lineage System gives players and DMs tools to disentangle characters’ personal traits with cultural traits. And worry not! The path to customization is very smooth according to Crawford, who emphasized it is not complicated at all.

Along with the new class options and alternate features players can customize how each class feels. This includes something that worms its way into the mind of every edition of D&D sooner or later.

Psionics! The Aberrant Mind is just one of the psionic themed subclasses from UA. Along with a few others, these psionic subclasses use a modifed version of the playtest mechanics, which Crawford described as “evolved.” I’m pretty middle of the road when it comes to psionics, neither thrilled to use them or abhorred by their inclusion in the game but I’ve got to say I really dug that Psionic Talent die so I hope that’s what he meant.

During the press briefing they did not get too deep into new spells and magic items in TCoE but there are some tidbits to share. For starters Tasha adds new spells of her own design to D&D canon. Tasha’s caustic brew and Tasha’s otherworldly guise are two mentioned and I’m excited to see more. Spells named for the wizards who created them evokes a sense of mystery and wonder in all D&D players and after all her incredible excursions and magical experimentation I’m certain Tasha’s influence on 5E D&D will be immense.

Spellcasters can boost their power with new spell focus magic items too, which sounds awesome. There’s got to be a magical cauldron, right? One of the magic items Crawford talked about sounds totally awesome — the Tarokka Deck. Not like, any old prophetic card deck though. This is THE Tarokka Deck, an artifact capable of trapping spirits. Can I tell you I lost track of what they said for a moment because I was daydreaming about a Ghostbusters inspired 5E D&D campaign.

Sidekicks (remember them?) get expanded in TCoE too. Resources to create your own customized sidekicks sounds like a lot of fun new toys to play with. When asked what the most surprising thing about the book is, Crawford revealed there’s a sidekick class. You can play as a Warrior, Expert or Spellcaster, which offers a slimmed down experience for perhaps new players or those looking for less complexity. This sounds awesome to me. I’ve used the Sidekicks content from UA several times and it is terrific, so more of that and more ways to use it can’t go wrong.

More than that though Crawford was surprised by “how much liberty players have to customize.” The Lineage System, tons of new class options and alternate features, spells, feats (wow I didn’t even mention those!) all combine to create more levers and dials players and DMs can use to tailor our game experiences and tell the kinds of stories we want with exactly the kinds of characters we imagine.

“Our work on the game is a delightful conversation with the community that never ends,” as Crawford put it. With tremendous amounts of fun, cool sounding new content like they’re brewing up in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, I don’t doubt it.

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A tiefling sorcerer levitates several feet off the ground. [Art by Kieran Yanner]

A lineup of four homunculus servants. [Art by Irina Nordsol]

The young wizard Tasha studies her spellbook in front of Baba Yaga’s hut. Looming nearby is Baba Yaga herself, watching her adopted daughter intently. [Art by Brian Valeza]

This is a massive tome holding secrets of ultimate evil. The exterior of the book reflects the evil within. The covers are made of dark demon scales, which are trimmed in rune-carved metal shaped to look like demonic claws. [Art by David Sladek]

Two wood elf lads swim in a glittering pond, which is fed by a waterfall that pours out of a face carved in a bluff. [Art by Robin Olausson]

A youthful merfolk king lounges on his throne underwater. [Art by Andrew Mar]

Using a psychic spell, a wizard battles a troglodyte underground. [Art by Andrew Mar]

Sidekicks will be expanded in the fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. [Image courtesy Wizards of the Coast]

An alternate cover art version is only available through local game stores. [Art by Wylie Beckert]

A heavy, ominous storm brews at sea as clouds gather. But these are not normal storm clouds. These have formed into a churning mass of enormous skulls in the sky. [Art by Titus Lunter]

Oh! Are you still here? One last thing I’ll mention is the section on Magical Environments includes Eldritch Storms, magical fruits and magical roads, a Mirror Realm and a Mimic Colony. Stay nerdy.

Congrats! That new #DnD stuff you thought would be in Tasha's Cauldron of Everything is in there. #staynerdy The follow up to 2017's Xanathar's Guide to Everything, on Nov. 17, 2020 fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons upcoming…

[rainbowrocky248]

Looking for D&D Players Again

Game: D&D 5e

Current Level: 3-4

Language: English

Group Type: Online [we use Roll20 and Discord]

My Role: DM

Roles Sought: Players [2-3 for a long term, pre-established campaign]

Timezone: Eastern/Centeral Standard Time

Times Available: Our next game is not currently scheduled as we’re taking a break, but I’m eager to bring in new players anyways even if we won’t start up again in a month or two :D

How Often: Weekly

About Me: Hello, my name is Rocky [he/him or fae/faer]! I’m looking for committed players for a long term campaign! We’re already deep in the midst of one and are looking for two or three more players as most of the ogs have left. We will be using Discord [voice chat only] for communication and Roll20 as our online gaming platform. I am a relatively new DM looking for people passionate about roleplaying! I have seven years of roleplaying experience with Pathfinder, a year with D&D 5e, and six months of DMing for this campaign. Players of all sorts of experience are welcome, but our party is primarily made of new players so we are very open to having you come learn the rules with us. We’re LGBT+ friendly and expect anyone interested in joining to be as well!

Character Creation: A lot of time and effort has been put into the Tales of the Planewalkers campaign, both on my end as the DM creating this universe and from the players who have each created wonderful characters. We look forward to whoever wishes to join us! You have to understand that I would like a similar level of effort to be put back into the game. I don’t want uncommitted players here so if you could create a synopsis for a character idea that would be great! It doesn’t have to be incredibly detailed, just say your race, class, and at least five sentences of background story. You’re welcome to make changes before game play, especially once I reveal more things about the lore to you if you join the party.

World Setting:

You come from a world you call Estrya. Estrya is home to a number of races who belong to a number of kingdoms that worship a number of Deities. Depending on which pantheon you belong to, you believe in differing legends about the creation of your world. All pantheons have agreed however that there are realms beyond the world of Estrya where the Deities reside, these magical worlds unique to the Deities residing within them. Contact with these realms is unique but not rare. A young Tiefling can connect with their Archdevil parentage through a simple spell, a seasoned wizard can astral project himself into the Beastlands when he sleeps, a powerful sorceress can even create portals and venture to and from these realms, and on the rarest of occasions a god can even be summoned to the Material Plane through their highest ranking cleric. Rumors prevail the lands of angels and devils walking among you, whispering words of advice or trickery into your ears. There are histories of Demigods becoming rulers of mighty empires that lasted for centuries. These are the reasons why religion is a core value in Estrya, because it is an undoubted truth that such beings of unfathomable power exist. It is seen as incredibly odd in your world if you do not belong to some pantheon or another and actively worship the gods. Atheistic or agnostic people are treated with an air of suspicion or idiocy by the people who know of their skepticism. Because the world of Estrya is so rich in the influence of the realms outside of the material plane, beings like Tieflings and Dragonborn are not put under the same scrutiny they would be on other worlds. Each race treats other races differently in their own ways, like the incessant rivalry between Elves and Dwarves, or the embracing acceptance Humans have for most other races, or the respect all races seem to have for the Dragonborn as they are seen as the oldest of the humanoid races on Estrya, though the Dragonborn might not return such respect. All in all though the races generally get along. That does not mean that Estrya is a peaceful utopia however. Wars are often fought between kingdoms over land and resources, and between religious sects over the definition of good and evil or the claimant of a holy land. Today the land is relatively peaceful, though whispers of an uprising of evil is being spread amongst the faiths of good.

Current Location:

Our players have found themselves lost in the Astral Plane with no certain way home. The Astral Plane is a realm of myth and mystery, a place where dreams are reality. The eternal silver sea wraps around you in an opaque fog as you float by with the sheer will power of your mind. Most simply pass through the plane, but there are some strange creatures that live here, most of which feast on the thoughts of others. Why have you come to the Astral Plane? What brings you to join this band of home seekers?

If that setting sounds interesting to you and you’re excited to get started then this is the campaign for you! I would just like to reiterate that this is a long term campaign that’s already fostered six months of play time with previous players, so we are looking for a certain level of commitment here. I hope you find our future adventures a lot of fun and build some meaningful relationships from it in the future as I have so far!

The Current Party:

Ivan - Pakari (homebrew humanoid Wolf race) Fighter

Liliana - Kitsune (homebrew humanoid fox race) Rogue

Setyr - Pakari (homebrew humanoid wolf race) Sorcerer

For Applications: You can message me on tumblr PMs with the application filled out

Name: [doesn’t have to be your full or real name, just whatever you’d like myself and the other players to call you]

Age: [this game will not be accepting anyone under the age of 17 or over the age of 25]

Pronouns:

Timezone:

Availability: [just a rough estimate on what days of the week you can play]

Experience: [please have at least read the first chapter of the Player’s Handbook, even if you’ve never played before]

Discord Tag:

Gaming Style: [we are a roleplay heavy group so keep this in mind and be ready for it!]

Fun Fact about yourself:

Character Race/Class:

Character Backstory:

Any Questions, Comments, Concerns:

[rerollpodcast-blog]

Why are there so many grapplers?

If you’ve been playing for a while, then I’m guessing at some point you’ve played with someone who played “a grappler” character. Even if you haven’t, the internet is full of stories and anecdotes of players that build their character around the grappler mechanic (in fact one of my players’ grappler died and he just made another grappler). Now, I’m not badmouthing them, but it did get me wondering: why is the grappler so ubiquitous? I spent a lot of time thinking about this and I think that the underlying answer actually has a lot to say about the way we play and think about martials in 5e. To explain why, we’re going to have a look at the differences between magical and martial classes, the shortcomings of the latter, and how to make life more interesting for your martial players.

Jackie Chan: the epitome of a martial

First, let’s look at the way magical classes are set up. Let’s say you wanted to create a new magic-based character. In terms of playstyle, you have quite a lot of options. You can be the blasty-mage that throws fireballs and lightning bolts. You can be a healer, supporting the party and tending to their wounds. You can be a Loki-like trickster, focusing on illusions and charms and deception. You can be a summoner, or a shapeshifter. Or you can focus on utility and be able to change terrain and crowd control your foes. You get so many options as a mage, and that’s not even counting the many ways you can mix and match your spell lists, or the completely different mechanics that each magical class has on their own.

Martials on the other hand are considerably more limited. Their options boil down to essentially: do you want to use two handed weapons, do you want to use an offhand weapon, do you want to use a ranged weapon, or do you want a shield. And even after those exciting choices, they largely all play the same way: run up to/away from something, roll a d20 and then do some damage. Compared to mages, martials just can’t compare in terms of playstyle options. Hell, just look at what’s available to a level 1 wizard compared to a level 1 fighter. The wizard gets to pick 9 spells from a list of 65. Fighters get to pick 4 weapons from a list of 36, most of which do the same thing or are inferior versions of each other.

Now at this point you may retort: “but flavour wise, the classes feel different.” And you are right on this point, but it is very discouraging when your flavour choices don’t reflect in your gameplay. The mysterious, Loki-like, illusion-specced mage plays very differently to the trigger-happy, fireball throwing mage. On the other hand, we have both the gallant longsword-wielding Champion Fighter and the savage warhammer wielding Berserker Barbarian who just run up to things and hit them for 1d10+STR mod damage.

Martials end up feeling like the mechanical equivalent of the Mass Effect 3 ending

 And that’s where I think grapplers come in. Mechanically speaking, grapplers just feel different to traditional martial gameplay. Rather than roll a d20 and compare to AC, you have a contested roll-off against your DM; that’s an exciting tension beat. Instead of inflicting damage, you inflict a status; that opens up new strategies. You get to move your target, you get to set up your target for co-operative attacks. I don’t think people play grapplers because they’re inherently fun to play, they play them because there aren’t many other variants of a martial to explore. The grappler just feels different, and most importantly, feels like a uniquely martial style of gameplay; it’s not like Gandalf ever did judo. But what do we do about this? How do we “fix” the martial classes to make them feel like individual classes? How do we make the martial classes feel like they’re more than just different flavours of attacks? Well in my opinion, there are three main methods: items, techniques, and environment.

 First up, let’s look at items. Items (especially homebrewed ones) are a really easy way to tailor a character to a certain playstyle vision since you can let them do literally anything. Of course, the type of items you give is important. If you want to play into a flavour archetype, you need to look beyond just adding more damage, it needs to either play to their strengths, overcome their weaknesses, or synergise with their mechanics. It’s probably why the “blink dagger” is such a classic item to introduce for a rogue player. It lets the rogue be sneaky, be agile, zip around, and most importantly: stab people. The mechanics of the item fit with the flavour of the character. It makes a rogue play uniquely like a rogue.

It helps here if you already know what your player wants out of their character. For example, I had a (revised) ranger player whose backstory involved them being the fantasy equivalent of a secret agent. So, I gave them a bow that could attach special arrowheads like Hawkeye, turning them into more of a stealth-infiltrator-utility character. That player went wild with that bow, using it for everything from long range shackles, smoke bombs, and grappling hooks. They even opted to keep it after bows that did more damage became available. I’d like to think it’s because it let them feel uniquely like a ranger; stealthing around and setting traps, playing with cunning rather than pure strength.

Slightly disappointed I didn’t see a USB arrow

 Now, items are all well and good, but they do have their limitation in that they require a bit of knowledge of what your players want already, require some skill in homebrewing, and are largely DM driven. After all, we’re trying to make enticing options for creating martial characters, but your player won’t know what items they’re getting when they create their character. Instead, let’s look at something that’s largely player driven: techniques. When I say techniques, I’m referring to abilities that aren’t hard-written into the rules of D&D but are instead flavourful abilities that players ascribe to their actions and require the DM to adjudicate effects on. For example: the ranger that asks if they can shoot at a flying creature’s wings to bring them down; that would be an example of a technique. It’s not something that’s strictly in the ranger’s abilities or in the rules for flying, but it would make sense from an in-game perspective.

Techniques like these can be extremely useful for when players want to feel like their individual strengths make a difference in-game. A bow toting ranger may be able to make that shot at the enemy’s wings, but not the axe wielding barbarian, and you want to reward those strengths and creative thinking. I have a barbarian/enforcer rogue player that has a spear that lights itself on fire. Originally my intent with the item was just that it sets creatures on fire for extra damage. Ironically however, she’s used it for just about everything except that. She’s done everything from creating sparks to blind people, lighting explosive materials on fire, melting gears in a construct’s arm to disable them, and stabbing it in an ogre’s back to ride them around Batman-on-a-mutated-henchman style. None of these are strictly in the rules, and thus required me to come up with a ruling and a check on the spot. I like to encourage her to request these techniques though because they let her play her barbarian-rogue the way she envisioned them; a swashbuckling pirate that likes fighting dirty.

Dale Gribble knows what I’m talking about

Our final differentiation method is one that let’s both the player and the DM control the input: the environment. In a way, the environment is like a combination of the above two methods, it’s like providing a short-term item that creative players can make a technique with. And its so easy to implement too, just describe your battlegrounds more. You certainly don’t need to come up with a list of potential actions that your players could use with every single item in the room like you were coding a video game, your players will come up with it for you. All you need to do is make sure your players know that they’re fighting in more than a featureless void and they’ll get to work. Indeed, my best players even start asking me if there’s certain objects in the room, just so they can enact some crazy plan they’ve come up with. Nine times out of ten, I’ll say yes, just to see what they do.

The best part about using the environment is that different classes will see the environment in different ways, and utilise it depending on their strengths. The agile rogue may see a hanging chandelier as a convenient method to get across the room, while the eagle-eyed ranger may see it as a heavy object to shoot down on their enemy. The brazier of coals can be knocked over by the cunning fighter to slow the enemy, or the savage barbarian can throw their foe into it to cook them alive.

This is going too far though

 So, now we know three good methods for providing class differentiation. But, here comes the tricky part: convincing your players to use them. You see, the methods are not overly difficult, and I would argue that a lot of them are more fun than just vanilla attacking. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, attacking just seems to be the strictly better option. Why take a creature down by shooting its wings, when you can just take it down by killing it? Why bother knocking over a brazier to slow down your enemies, when you can just stab them? In other words, what’s the incentive to be creative?

Personally, I like to encourage it in a few ways. First, is that I don’t make fights overly punishing. When players know that they don’t need to optimise every single action to come out victorious, they feel the freedom to mess around a bit more and go for the fun plays. That barbarian-rogue I mentioned before? Sure, she’s done all those cool things; but she’s also failed at a whole lot more. But, punishment is rarely anything more serious than if she had missed an attack, so she feels free to try again another time.

The second is the inverse of the first. When my players try something out of the ordinary, I like to reward them. If they attempt a technique as an action, I will make sure that the successful result is at least as useful as an action spent attacking. If my fighter knocked over that brazier of coals, my minions will over-react, taking the long way around, or attacking in a way that lets the fighter knock them back into the coals for even more damage. Nothing kills a player’s enthusiasm quite as much as pulling off what they thought was a great move, only to find out it achieved next to nothing.

Finally, I like to encourage creative fighting by joining in on the fun myself. Particularly noteworthy NPC’s have special weapons and items that make them feel like more than just vanilla damage dealers. My NPC’s attempt big plays just as much as my players do, and mess around with the environment like a player would. I’ll admit, I’ve even thrown a few NPC grapplers at my players just for the fun of it. Not only does seeing the DM do these methods assure the player that it’s okay to do them, it also inspires them to try their own things.

 I hope that this has helped inspire you and your players to explore the potential of the martial classes again. Instead of resorting to one-note tricks like playing a “grappler,” try to use items, techniques, and environments to bolster creativity, and let martial classes really shine. So many times, I’ve heard people complain that martials are just plain boring compared to all of the options that magical classes have. And while it may be true that magical classes get many more options than martials, I’ve found that once you give martials anything to work with, they end up using it even more creatively than the mages do with their spells. So, work with your martials, and maybe we can finally remove all these luchadore stories from the front page of Reddit.

[the-penultimate-pam]

It’s RPG Time! Yay!

I want to fill up my schedule so that I'm forced to get things done, because apparently that's how it works? So! I'm going to start up a new RPG campaign in the new year!

Here are a few ideas I'm feeling out, listed in very approximate order of what I'm leaning towards and/or what I've given the most thought to. Anyone who likes this kind of thing, or who might be interested in trying it out, are there any here you're excited about?

No purchase necessary, no obligation to join, details may be added or changed upon request, no guarantee that any particular game will be run, etc :)

1. Superpower (Savage Worlds with the Superpowers companion)

Setting: Homebrew world, essentially modern times on Earth

Concept: One month ago, an unknown event granted superpowers to a seemingly random percent of the population. Some people choose to live their lives as they had been, but with new abilities; others now wreak havoc or wreak good from behind a mask.

Style: You'll probably team up with some curious, like-minded powered people to get to the root of this mysterious event. In the meantime - oh, your nosy neighbour can talk to animals? That could pose some problems.

Notes: No Supergirls here - one power per human in this world :) Sure, you can get creative with the simple ability to move dust around, for example, but you can't move dust and have an innate sense of the nearest news broadcast at all times. And - full disclosure - it's set in the same world as the YA novel I'm currently editing. Everyone gets credit for worldbuilding help in the Acknowledgements if it's ever published :P (please do bring up any genuine legal concerns, I'm starting to look into all that. But the game should run pretty far away from the book’s plot and characters.)

2. Doctor Who (the Doctor Who: Adventures in Time and Space Roleplaying Game from Cubicle 7)

Setting: Literally all of time and space, it's Doctor Who

Concept: Whatever the players prefer... Gallifreyan and companions, buncha goofs who found a TARDIS, aliens solving mysteries on earth, UNIT defending the planet from invasions, etc.

Style: Probably adventures like the ones in the show, but if you just want to be Earth-based, that's cool too

Notes: I picked up a bundle of sourcebooks a while ago and haven't used any yet, so…. Plus I'm excited about Doctor Who again, thanks to the new season

3. The Darkening of Mirkwood (The One Ring roleplaying game)

Setting: Tolkien's Middle-earth. After the events of The Hobbit, before The Fellowship of the Ring

Concept: I have a cool-looking campaign where you try to stop... well... the Mirkwood from Darkening. It spans like 30 years, so you can grow old and own land while you collect cool gear on your travels all across Middle-earth, trying not to be corrupted by the spreading darkness, and wow it's like you're in the book but I won't spend as long talking about trees I promise

Style: The system is supposed to mimic the feel of the books really well? You have a defined role in the adventuring party (like Scout or Leader) and there's lots of travelling across great distances but also getting deep into the recesses of towns if you want, and solving problems with words or violence, and passing on your heroic heritage if you die or retire (adventuring ain’t easy!). Also, you might run into everyone's favourite characters, like Wizard Man and Other Wizard Man

Notes: another bundle I picked up and haven't used. It's not my fault, it came with maps! Cartography is one of my greatest weaknesses!!

4. Miraculous Ladybug

Okay hear me out

It's loosely based on the show, but you can have your own customized power, weapon, themed costume, kwami, etc.

And the stories will be episodic, like the early episodes of the show, so any players can jump in or out whenever

Expect hokey pun-themed villains because that's my JAM (and regular-schoolkid-with-a-secret-identity subplots if desired, which are my secondary jam)

I'm thinking either in Savage Worlds (because I'm familiar with it) or in Fate (see TAZ Commitment)

Why a kids' cartoon? Because sometimes we all need to take a break from adulting and have some good ol' light-hearted fun. Indulge your inner youthful superhero and fight pigeon villains with extremely simple motivations and then watch as everything goes back to normal!

4a) You know what? This would also work very well as a Totally Spies thing. I'd be cool with that too.

4b) Or Danny Phantom!! Oh no I'm having nostalgia

5. A continuation of my Venus/Sister Planet one-shot

Homebrew again, where you're part of a team joining a space colony orbiting Venus - but some of you have strange psychic powers when you land on the planet's surface, whaaaat (jake peralta voice)

Savage Worlds with the Science Fiction companion (which I didn't have when I ran the first session, but it gives us some cool new stuff to work with)  

I did run two parallel versions of the intro, but anyone can join and/or we can meld the two plotlines without too much trouble

6. Some retro, monster of the week, Buffy/Scooby/Stranger Things -inspired game

May or may not use the actual Monster of the Week rules (Powered by the Apocalypse; see TAZ Amnesty). Otherwise, Savage Worlds, probably.

I really don't have anything planned for this, I've just been into that atmosphere lately. Suggestions welcome!

7. Something in D&D 5E

So that I can learn the system that literally everybody but me* uses  (*not true)

I'm cheap so I only plan to use the free, basic rules instead of buying $150 worth of books (or perpetually borrowing them from generous friends!)

Campaign suggestions are welcome! Homebrew, published, whatever… but the cheaper the better :)

8. Mistborn (the Mistborn RPG)

Full disclosure! I haven't finished Brandon Sanderson’s series yet! No spoilers, pretty please!! I want to read the books first, but I do have everything needed for the RPG! I can bump the series up in my TBR if folks are interested in this game.

[quicksilver-rain]

Toni and Thor!! Im lov them

This is long because I am verbose:

Full Name: 

Toni doesn’t actually have a last name, but at some point she made one up because she assumed that because everyone else had one, they must be important. So I guess her last name is technically Frewin

As far as Thor is concerned, words like, “beast,” and “eldritch terror” and “ohmygod, what the fuck is that?” get thrown around a lot. He’s usually introduced to people as “Thor, the Mechanical Beast,” if someone Toni’s travelling with is feeling particularly dramatic, or more often than not, “my dog, Thor,” by Toni

Gender and Sexuality: 

Toni’s cis-female and either aggressively ace or too busy trying to survive to worry about things like feelings and relationships.

Thor doesn’t technically have a gender, being that he’s made of metal and magic, but Toni’s always called him by male pronouns and he’s never corrected her. He doesn’t have a sexuality at all, also due to being a one of a kind metal/magical doggo.

Pronouns:

She/her and he/him respectively. Though people also tend to call Thor “it” as well.

Ethnicity/Species:

Toni as a character started out half-elf in the first D&D campaign I used her in, but now she’s a human. She’s from Summerfell, so I guess that’s her ethnicity, if she was out and about in the real world, she’d probably be Hispanic/Irish or Spanish/Italian.

Thor’s…um… breed? Is something akin to a shar-pei, and he looks like a walking Fu Dog statue. I guess technically, he’s a war-forged, but we’re running 5e and that’s not a race anymore.

Birthplace and Birthdate:

If you were to ask Thor where and when she was born, he would tell you that she was born screaming and crying and bloody in the tunnels of Moonhold pleading with the Gods for a miracle or several. Toni would tell you that she doesn’t know where she was born or who her parents were, but that the Miner’s Camps and Tunnels are the only homes she remembers. 

If you asked Toni where when Thor was born (made?) she’d tell you that she thinks he was forged in the mountains by the a mysterious man and brought to life by his magic and that he wasn’t born so much as he opened his eyes and there he was. Thor would agree with this statement. 

Guilty Pleasures:

Toni’s basically a scavenging urchin that steals to survive, so her guilty pleasures are things like sleeping in beds and stealing nice soaps from shopkeepers that yell at her and taking baths. She also has a fondness for sweets and likes to be read to. 

Thor’s guilty pleasure is chewing bald patches in Inn rugs and scaring people that deserve it. 

Phobias:

Toni used to be a miner in Moonhold, because that’s basically the only “job” the poor have around there. One day there was a cave-in, pretty much everyone got out safely, except for Toni, who was pinned beneath the fallen rocks and couldn’t free herself. She screamed for help, but the wardens of the mine simply cordoned off the tunnel and sent the miners elsewhere. Toni kept up yelling for someone to help her until she passed out from blood loss and shock, and the next time she opened her eyes, she was alive, missing pieces, and was being stared at by Thor. Later, she was kidnapped by mages (doctors) that wanted to figure out how her shiny new prosthesis were attached to her and nearly died a second time because people are shitty and some of them like to experiment on people. Because of this, Toni has severe claustrophobia (mostly in cave-like environments). She’s also scared of boats and deep water, because she’s heavy now and sinks like a rock, and is scared absolutely shitless of anyone that calls themselves a doctor. She also has a not insignificant fear of being forcefully separated from Thor. 

Thor, for what it’s worth, is terrified of losing Toni and is scared of what might happen to her if the Bad People take her again. 

What They Would Be Famous For:

Toni actually won the Belt of Fortitude during a bare knuckle brawl against some Joseph Jostar lookin’ motherfucker. She was exceedingly lucky and made a lot of money that day that she doesn’t know what to do with. She does know the criminal underbelly of Raven’s Warf is in awe of her skill and power.  

Thor, by virtue of being Different, is famous simply for existing. Doubly so because Toni’s the Grand Champion of the Raven’s Warf Fight Club.

What They Would Get Arrested For:

Stealing, probably. Or illegally participating in underground fighting rings. Or trespassing.

No one could arrest Thor. He’d rip them apart. Also I don’t think they make handcuffs for dogs.

OC You Ship Them With:

There’s no one for either of them, really. One of my friend’s character’s, Raenon used to flirt with Toni a lot, but nothing came of that. 

Thor is uninterested in ships, unless they’re the little paddle boats that look like ducks, because those look just like big ducks.  

OC Most Likely To Murder Them:

I personally don’t have an OC that wants to kill either of them, but there are plenty of people that want to see how each of them works. Dead or alive doesn’t matter. 

Favorite Movie/Book Genre:

Toni actually can’t read anything but thieve’s cant and the occasional stray word, but she likes listening to fairy tales and ballads. 

I feel like Thor’s favorite book is probably either some really trashy romance novel, or Pride & Prejudice, no in-between.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche:

If Toni was ever inclined to watch a movie, she’d probably hate forced romances that are convenient to the plot, if only because she wouldn’t get why the idiot protagonists are making out when there’s a countdown timer to the end of the world. Also, she’d probably yell, “LET DISABLED CHARACTERS BE DISABLED!” at the television at least once. Probably more than that. She’s thankful that she has her prosthesis, but while they help dramatically with her every day life, there’s a lot of compensation and general fuckery related to them. She’d also really hate disaster movies, too, for obvious reasons. 

Thor would not be into the humans vs. robots trope, and he would also high-key hate any movie where a robot begins questioning its humanity. Thor is alive, as far as he can tell, he can feel the sun on him and thinks for himself and  loves Toni more than anything. He doesn’t need to debate the philosophy of the human soul and life, he’s already experiencing it. And that is enough for him.

Talents and/or Powers:

Toni’s got the power of highly volatile and not wholly understood magic. Also she’s got one metal arm/shoulder, one metal leg (from mid-thigh down) and thre metal fingers on her otherwise flesh hand. She has a very high threshold for pain, and also is squirrely as all fuck. 

Thor has magical energy constantly clouded around his head and tail, functions as both a space heater and a bag of holding, can speak auditory binary (which is how he communicates with Toni), and can reduce a stone keep to rubble in a day and a half if given a reason to.

Why Someone Might Love Them:

Toni tries her hardest not to give people reason to dislike her, because she doesn’t think she has a lot going for her. She’s no nonsense, but kind to people and likes to take care of people she doesn’t think can take care of themselves. She’s also very comfortable with herself and Thor and has a sort of angry confidence about her. 

Thor, need I remind you, is a giant doggo, and also a good boy.

Why Someone Might Hate Them:

Oh man, there’s a lot, the least of which is just that Toni doesn’t trust people very easily and sometimes comes off as being really rude or blunt, when she’s just stating facts as succinctly as possible. She doesn’t mean to be mean, but sometimes when you’re being chased by mages, you don’t have time to spare people’s feelings. She also tends to bottle things up until she has a minor freakout that’s usually set off for a good reason. She also collects stuff like a magpie (she used to be an artificer and this was how she got components) and aggressively hoards her things. 

Thor has a lot of teeth, and when he growls, it sounds like thunder. 

How They Change:

Well, aside from the species swap, Toni’s a little more accepting now, though she’s not even remotely trusting. She’s not quite over her claustrophobia, but she can function well enough in a cave if there’s a need for her to. She’s gotten better at listening and can read at least a few of the smaller words.

Thor’s pretty fluid as far as changes go, he doesn’t age or grow like everyone else does, but he’s learned the nuances of sass and has finally figured out how to work doors in a way that doesn’t involve them being torn off their hinges. 

Why You Love Them:

Oh dude, Toni and Thor are my first D&D characters, and even though pretty much every campaign I’ve played in with them has been cancelled, I just really like playing as this scrappy little street rat just doing her best to get by. It’s just so nice. It’s also really nice playing a team of people that love and look out for each other and sort of have this forged by fire relationship. 

I'll add a picture of them latee, perhaps, I'm on mobile right now and don't have access to any references I might have of them.

[bralef]

A lot happened this year at PortConMaine - mostly in the form of tabletop RPGs - so I decided to write all about them. This is basically just going to be a huge wall of text of me gushing about the fun I had doing tabletop RPGs for half a week.

Thursday was kind of a weak start. My uncle surprised me by taking me to the new Transformers movie. I appreciate the gesture, but it was not only terrible, but it made me late to PortCon. I’d have rather watched Wonder Woman again. As a result, I missed the DnD 5e session I was planning on attending, so I went with some Star Wars session instead. I played a Wookie Technician. Nothing particularly amazing or awesome happened, but it was fun and funny enough, I suppose. Then I played some weird Spy/Word-guessing game that takes way too long to understand. Me and the guy I teamed up with won both rounds. Finally, I played a few rounds of Lupinball, some (free?) game on Steam. One of those deceptively simple lightning-fast multiplayer games. It's pretty fun.

~~

Friday was great, exactly what I'd expect out of a good day at Portcon. I participated in three sessions, and will cover them in order from least exciting to most.

In between two better sessions was a Pathfinder campaign where we explored some haunted house. It only took a couple hours (I think that DM preferred multiple quick adventures rather than one big one) and ultimately was pretty boring. I played a half-orc Inquisitor. Nothing really noteworthy happened.

The last session I did was a DnD 5e session called the Sunless Citadel. I was a Dwarven Barbarian who I named Beerbeard McBeardbeer after a character in a long-term campaign I'm in (though I didn't roleplay him very similarly). What we were supposed to do was help these Kobolds rescue their baby god or something.

What ended up happening was, we convinced them to let us use their key to open some big important door. Someone touched a magic orb that forced everyone to make a Wisdom save or be feared, forcing them to run right into a pit (where they would take 1d6 fall damage, or half on a successful save). Beerbeard and one other party member passed immediately. The others, including the Kobold holding the key, all ran into the pit and took damage (keeping in mind this is Level 1 where the median health of everyone is like 9). One of them re-entered the room and passed his save that time. The other two kept running back into the room, failing the save, and chucking themselves into the pit again (Beerbeard watched). One of them, at one point, decided to kill the kobold (who had been knocked unconscious by the fall) and steal the key...for some reason. Finally we all made it past the Orb of Confusion and into the next room.

The next room was simply a riddle where the answer was “stars.” Nothing exciting there. The next two rooms were separated by a spiky pit. Our monk made it across and promptly got fucking manhandled by an imp. So, one of our other dudes jumps across. Beerbeard tried to join them, failed the check, and took 9 piercing damage (out of his 16 health). Another party member failed too, only she was way squisher so she immediately went down.

Beerbeard managed to carry the downed party member out of the pit...Right as the imp went invisible. Fuuuuuck. The next several turns consisted of us swinging at nothing and attempting to find the imp, who eventually went across the pit to fight our remaining party member who hadn't jumped across. He eventually managed to slay it, and we were left with a coffin that we were all pretty certain contained a boss. We were beaten to shit, our healer was out of spell slots, and two of us were at 1 HP, but we had already expended all of our (read: one) hit dice. There was nothing to do but try fighting the troll.

It killed us all.

The second session I played was a contender for the best one I played all week. I believe it was Shadowrun, or at least took place in the same universe/system, but was some kind of sequel or successor to it. One thing I really dug about the system is how on-the-fly and improvised everything is, even among tabletops. For example, once per session every player gets to declare a contact. It can be as specific and on-the-nose as you want. For example, if the party's mission is to infiltrate some facility, you can go, say, “Oh, a buddy of mine worked as a security guard there once, he might be able to hook us up with some floor plans or something.” Stuff like that. In addition to whatever explicit equipment you have, certain events or actions will give you “Intel” or “Gear,” which basically works in a similar manner. With gear, if you're in a tight spot, you can say “Oh, that gear I picked up earlier? That was a grappling hook. I'm going to use it to scale the building and get away.”

Anyway, I played an Adept, which is sort of like a cyberpunk monk. A cybermonk, if you will. (I didn't steal that from you JP, I thought it up too but let you say it since I was on a phone and figured you'd pick up on it without my input). Taking inspiration from the recommended suggestions for my character, I made him a wrestler named Red Rooster. “He sounds like a luchador.” ...Well, I did make him hispanic, so yeah, that works! One of my party members was a huge fan of Red Rooster, and another party member, who was a hacker, used Red Rooster’s mask as his online hacking avatar.

We were also told to create fictional facilities in the universe that would be relevant to the session. I came up with Koala Tea, a restaurant chain. I decided that Red Rooster is basically their mascot, and thus all of his moves are named after items from their menu.

We were tasked with stopping a facility from releasing a mind-control potion onto the market. We decided to do this by blowing up their manufacturing facility. Along with Red Rooster (real name Carlito Diez), we had Tuck, a human hacker; Dominic, a shaman who was capable of communing with the spirit world and its inhabitants; and Devontus Grimlore, a troll-kin hired killer who preferred brute force. In our backstory, Devontus once broke into a Koala Tea establishment and, very publically and conspicuously, removed an official's mechanical endoskeleton from his body. Forcefully. This resulted in a huge brawl between him and Red Rooster, that evidently resulted in them becoming friends.

Dominic declared his contact: Siri, spirit of smart phones and information. She gave him a general map of the building and allowed him to open a window of opportunity for us to infiltrate. Unfortunately this also garnered the attention of Clippy, an obnoxious spirit who constantly annoys Dominic and suggests inappropriate solutions to problems.

We entered the facility using automated trucks that Tuck had hacked into. When we got in, we opened the doors, and Red Rooster blasted into the room on his flashy motorcycle while Devontus pulled out a piece of gear he had gathered earlier: A minigun.

Devontus is gunning down machines and personnel alike, while Red Rooster holds off the guards by driving his motorcycle into them and leaping off with a Koala Slider™ Tackle. Shrapnel from a stray gunshot cost Red Rooster one of his eyes, and Devontus gets his arm caught in some industrial machinery (he's a troll, he'll be fine). I realized that he was the only one who hadn't used his contact yet, so I decided a particular guard looked very familiar, even without his signature mask on...Red Rooster's rival, former mascot of Kangaroo Coffee...Blue Bull.

“What are you doing here, Blue Bull?! Dressed in that uniform and using a gun, guarding such a dishonorable facility! What happened to you?”

“YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE WHAT'S DISHONORABLE FOR ME RED ROOSTER RAAAAAAA” cue the fight, which I planned on winning to show Blue Bull the error of his ways, making him help us in destroying the facility.

I rolled the minimum roll possible, so Red Rooster got his ass kicked. He went in for a Koala BBQ Rib™crusher, but Blue Bull countered with an Atomic Coffee™ Suplex. So he didn't help us...But we still destroyed it, and got away thanks to Dominic timing the mission beforehand so that we simply needed to board one of the automated trucks that was leaving.

We completed the mission, and all we needed to do was get paid. We rolled to see whether there were any complications with the payment. Turns out we were set up, by what was heavily implied to be an elder god. Multiple incarnations of Clippy suddenly appeared and we tried to fight them off. Dominic cast an anti-clippy talisman he had explicitly gained earlier, which vaporized them and caused a dark void to appear, no doubt leading to the one who had set us up. We had to decide whether to stay and fight and probably die, or run. Devontus was up for a fight. As for the rest of us:

Me: I have “Code of Honor” and “Pride” as two of my character traits. Red Rooster literally can't turn away from this fight.

Dominic: [turns to Tuck] Remember us! Tell our story!

Tuck's player: You're assuming I'm still there.

Tuck: [already long gone]

The session ended with the three of us remaining turning to the void and leaping into whatever mysterious adventure it held in store for us. End Credits.

~~

Saturday was a weird coincidence. I played three sessions, and my character in all three of them was associated with dragons.

The 5e session I planned on attending was full, so I went with a 3.5e session instead, where I played a Half-Elf Dragon Shaman. The DM seemed pretty new at the whole thing, as there was very little actual roleplaying and it was basically just filler to get us from fight to fight. Early on I was really bored and tired to the point where I considered making an excuse to leave. I stuck with it, though, and by the end we had had a few fun moments, more from just joking around than the actual session. At one point our dwarf clobbered a sleeping red dragon with his axe...and it failed to notice or wake up.

The DM from the Sunless Citadel session was running the same campaign again, so I decided to join in again and see if we'd be more successful this time. He gave us all potions to help in that regard. This time I was playing a Dragonborn Fighter named Lamarr, and this time we actually went ahead with the plot instead of taking a detour to an optional boss. We agreed to help the kobolds find their dragon baby god. One complication was the fact that we had a goblin rogue on our team – the goblins stole the baby god, so the kobolds hated them. We managed to assure them he was on our (and thus, their) side, so the baby god's caretaker (Meebo) escorted us into Goblin territory. After fighting a big mama rat and her children (made a lot easier by our bard Tom casting a Sleep spell) we stepped into a hallway filled with caltrops. Our half-elf tried pushing them out of the way but somehow impaled herself and fell unconscious. We then got shot at by some Goblins at the other end of the hall, but our own goblin was all “Hey! What are you doing?” and managed to convince them he was working for some big goblin boss. He was mentioning that he'd want to work out a trade for the baby god, when Meebo saw this and went “TRAAAITOOOOR!” He ran back to the other kobolds, who turned their weapons on Tom, assuming we were secretly working for the goblins. He managed to convince them that Meebo was simply being paranoid and that we were being slick by tricking the goblins. We basically had a pass with both factions, and that’s where the session ended.

Finally, was a session where we were all dragons. Actual, literal dragons. Young ones, who had been kept in a cryptid circus and used for entertainment by evil witch bitch Magna. My character was Bar, a clawed dragon who was capable of digging. I don't think I ever actually used digging to our advantage. Highlights include:

The one diplomat dragon we had convincing five axe-juggling dwarf brothers to stop fighting us and actually help us escape.

Phantasmapotomas, a dancing hippo who existed as an excuse for the DM to sing songs relevant to whatever situation was at hand.

“I want to take him out nonlethally. [crit fail]” DM: Whoops, his head popped off!

Blue Dragon tackling the “caretaker” that abused us for years. He survived, but it was heavily implied his spine was severed and that he was paralyzed.

A riddle door who required three questions: What is your name, what is your mission, and [insert randomly-generated difficult trivia question]?

Diplomat dragon's response: 1. [Name]. 2. “To escape this hellhole.” 3. “Wait, WHICH capital? There's four of th- *launched into the sky*”

Arrogant Dragon's response: 1. [Name] 2. “To escape this place.” 3. “A number.” *launched into the sky*”

The Dwarven brothers' response: 1. [hacks door into pieces with axe] 2. [eats piece of door] Huh, gingerbread! (“It's a durable, reliable building material!”) 3. Now THAT'S how you get past a riddle door! [steals Magda's paybox]

The DM talking/responding out of character in Magda's voice/in character, implying she had metagame knowledge.

Magda attempting to turn four of us into newts in turn, and all four of us crit failing the save while Diplomat Dragon was being attacked by clown ghouls.

Us freeing all of the cryptids except the mermaids, because letting them out would kill them and dumping them into the local rivers would wreak havoc on the ecosytem. As one player described them, they were basically Dire Piranhas.

Ultimately we succeeded, and in fact we got straight to the point quicker than the DM planned. This is the same DM who hosted Werewolf Wrestling Federation vs the Vampire Women (one of the most fun sessions I’ve ever played), and when I mentioned that to him he said that, just because I asked, he'd make another session of that happen next year. Woo!

~~

On Sunday I killed some time by playing a few quick scenarios with the same Pathfinder DM, where I played a Cavalier named Alain (horse named Dalahan I think). First we stormed a haunted estate and killed some bugs and a weird ghoul thing. He wielded a severed leg as a weapon, and there was a corpse with only one leg in the corner. Here's a few quotes from the session:

“Can I take the leg?” “You can take the leg.” “I take the leg.”

“I give him his leg back.”

“No wait, I changed my mind, I need it.”

There was a well in the middle of the room with like a million more ghoul things, one of which was climbing up. I jabbed down into the well with my lance, and got a nat 20.

“You see Alain plunging into the well with his lance, blood and gore spewing out.”

“It's like a satanic toilet.”

It was a very short session, but that's good because it ended right when the conclusion of the Sunless Citadel started.

We only had three returning party members (including me), and three new ones. Our goblin rogue was taken over by the DM for diplomatic purposes, as were Tom and one other character. Tom managed to gain audience with the goblin boss (actually a Hobgoblin), and several slaves (read: the players new to this session) were brought out to be used as footstools. Aurelia, our Paladin, tried sneaking food to one of them, but was noticed. A flying mug and a shout of “NO FEEDING THE PRISONERS” let us know how the goblins felt about that. Our Cleric distracted them with dancing long enough for Tom to pick the locks on their manacles. One of them (a Tiefling Wizard whose first name was Freedom) cast a cantrip to make one of the doors fly open to try and cause a distraction, but was noticed, causing the goblins to realize we had set them free. Commence fight.

We were holding our own, but eventually a small goblin woman who had been kneeling in the corner stood up on the throne and declared she was the ruler of the goblins now. This caused the hobgoblins and goblins to fight amongst themselves. Eventually we helped her take down the king and his lackeys. As thanks, she freed the slaves: Freedom; a Dragonborn Monk named Roger; and a Warlock who I think was a halfling. They joined us, and we went upstairs to try and find the baby god: According to them, they lost at least one goblin per day to the thing, so were more than happy to let us take him off their hands.

Tipped off by a goblin’s screaming and severed arm launched from a doorway, we found the baby god. He then unleashed frost breath and knocked down Lamarr and the Cleric, before finishing off Roger with a claw. Aurelia managed to drag Lamarr out, and eventually we got everyone out alive and healed up, after sealing the door shut. Concluding that this dragon was far beyond our capacity at the moment, we instead opted to go after our second goal: finding the source of some magical fruit that can cure any ailment.

We went down a well in the goblin throne room, and were attacked by some twig things (who were easily dispatched) and shovel-wielding skeletons. The skeletons were tougher, but Lamarr knocked one’s head off with a nat 20. We then fought a Bugbear and his pet rats (one of which was named Fang).

Eventually we tied up a second Bugbear (I think her name was Helga) and had her lead us to Bellack, the magician behind the mystical fruit tree. He revealed he was basically mind controlling two previous adventurers as slaves.

Bellack: You have two options: Leave this place, or become my slaves. It is too late to save these two.

Lamarr: But not too late to avenge them.

Aurelia: We won’t be your slaves!

Lamarr: And we’re not leaving, either.

Cue the final boss fight...Which I immediately had to leave because I had a bus to catch. What an anticlimactic end to a great campaign, right?

Fortunately, at my request, the person playing Aurelia actually Emailed me the results of the fight and how the campaign ended:

“So the good news is that we didn't die. You and Roger used your fire breath to burn up the evil tree and we took down Bellack- however after burning the tree freed Sir Bradford and Sharlin from the spell, Bellack's death caused them to either and die. We did try to heal them, but the magic was beyond us. The big tree was in a grove of saplings and we decided to torch the whole grove as the trees were just too powerful. We took the bodies of Sharlin and Sir Bradford back to Oakhurst for proper burial- Sharlin to her family and Sir Bradford to the temple of Pelor. And that's where we ended it. Our entire party did make it out in the end- though (as I'm sure you can imagine) not without more struggling to keep the cleric in check.”

Thanks, Abby. You’re a lifesaver. A perfect way to end the campaign, as well as Portconmaine 2017. This was a great year, and I hope to have an even better one next year!

[yeahwesaidthat]

TWWS: The Best of D&D

Ladiiiiiiiies and gentlemeeeeeeeeeeen! Welcome to the ultimate showdown: THE BEST OF D&D!

This post contains the best of the best of the D&D/RPG posts over the years of TWWS, all the way from the beginning. At the end of the post, there will be a link to a survey where you can vote for your favourites in each category (other/3.5e, 4e, and 5e) and nominate MVPs for each category. If the person you want to vote MVP has only been referenced as “Player,” just note down what quote they’re responsible for. A week from today (or until enough of you fill out the survey), Round 2 of the competition begins.

Everybody roll for initiative!

Overheard During Other RPGs

During Hackmaster, about a bottle label: SB: “It says ‘Thou shalt not question the DM over inane shit!’”

Overheard During D&D 3.5e

Unarmed damage?: MM: “It’s the difference between a slap and a bitch-slap.”

So wrong it's right: MM (IC): “I like your spunk.” KH (OOC): “So does [gay player].”

Rogue equipment: KB (IC): “I need [boots] that are…soft-sounding.” MM (IC): “We have socks.”

Describing a character: SO: “She is built like a brick shithouse.” DM: “She shits brick houses.” Bubbles: “She makes brick houses shit bricks.”

When the party has two rogues: KH (IC): “I can find it!” KB (IC): “I can find it better.”

RD (IC): “[Wizard], if you do not stop right now, I will arrest you for terminal stupidity, and I can assure you, I will find a law against it!”

A discount on services rendered: SO: “What’s 75% off of ‘I run and do whatever you ask without question’?”

Calling for divine help in very specific situations: MM: “Please state your current medical emergency.” KB: “Head-splosion.” SO: “If you have been stabbed, press one. If you are currently being stabbed, press two.” MM: “If your head’s detonated and you’ve launched into a wall, press three.” RD: “Why did you press three? We never expected anyone to press three!” SO: “We don’t know what to do in this medical emergency! Please dial again!”

IO: “[Wizard] is going to say - ” KB: “Can I tell you why this is a bad idea?” IO: “No.”

Proper procedure when everything goes to hell: RD: “[Cleric] goes outside and makes a magic circle, sits in it, and cries.”

KH (IC): “That stupid fucking son of a flea-ridden bitch cunt wizard - ” MM (IC): “Oh, him.”

How to pray to the god Ao: KB, KH, and MM: “I throw my hands up in the air sometimes sayin’ heeeeey-oh! I worship Aaaaaaa-o!” Bubbles: “[The wizard’s] gaaaaaaaay-o!"

Overheard During D&D 4e

SIDE NOTE: A Quiplash commentary on D&D 4e: A more environment-friendly alternative to toilet paper - 4th ed character sheets

What we think we saw - again?: Player: “If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and weighs the same as a duck, it must be a witch.” KH: “It’s a witch.” RJ: “Build a bridge out of 'er!”

Healing needed: Player: “I have a mess kit, will that help?” WS: “Only if you want to make a mess.”

Captain: “Neverwinter ho!” Dwarf: “Hos? Where?”

SB: “Eventually you end up at the most popular stall in the market.” Player: “Porn?”

About attacking a character that may or may not be good: SB: “Wait, what’s your alignment?” Player: “Lawful Paranoid.”

Taunting the kraken: Player: “Your tentacles are so short even an anime girl wouldn’t take 'em!”

Questioning the legitimacy of an NPC: SB (IC as Priest): “I have a degree in polytheism from the University of Phoenix Online!”

Making sure it’s really dead: SB: "You kick the head and it goes sailing through the open door of the tomb. You hear a voice in the darkness go ’Gooooooooal!’”

Killing the undead: SB: “Congratulations, you choked something to death that doesn’t breathe.”

Mass undead murder: Player: “We made a ghoul-ash. An evil gumbo, really.”

Architecture: Player: “I like big buttresses and I cannot lie.”

Interesting kills: SB: “You decapitated him with a bludgeoning weapon.”

About flying books: Player 1: “The window opens in! How do they fly out?” Player 2: “They’re paperbacks."

Player: “Thank God I decided to engage the dragon in melee.” MW: “You’ll never hear that in any other D&D campaign ever again.”

Player: “Is the food still on the table?” Three Of Us: “DON’T EAT IT!!!”

Overheard During D&D 5e

Annoying Teen: (about his character) “Would he still hate me?” AD: (not about his character) “I think everyone hates you.”

Don’t mess with a dire bear: JI: “There’s one inside who attacks the bear…" (rolls) "...and misses horribly ‘cause he shits his pants.”

JI: “He doesn’t have 100 hit points. He has 95.”

Demonic insight: KH: “I say in Infernal, ‘Peace! We mean you no harm!’” JI: “There’s no word in Infernal for ‘peace.’” Retroactive Edit: Demons actually speak Abyssal. Devils speak Infernal.

Animal form disadvantages: AD: “I’m going to bite [the zombie].” Everyone Else: (mass noise of disgust)

JI: “You feel a pinch in your mind as if she’s flipping through your yellow pages.” AD: “That’s got to be a euphemism for something.” ST: “Oh, yeah, baby, turn my yellow pages.” JB: “Turn to ‘F’ for fun.”

What happens in every religious venue in every D&D campaign ever: JB: “Here is the church, here is the steeple,” KH: “Open the door, and here are the zombies.”

KH: “Did you sneak off to her house in the middle of the night?” ST: “Does that sound like something I would do?” KH, AD, and CD: “Yes.”

JI: “You guys came in here - ” AD: “ - like a wrecking ball - ”

Post-adventure considerations: KH: “[Rogue] wouldn’t know what to do with her life.” AD: “She can bail herself out of jail.”

Switching to melee for a change: CD: “Let’s see if this ‘offense’ thing you do all the time really works.” (rolls a critical hit)

The logistics of being swallowed by a sea monster: ST: “Am I going to take damage if I move further along his digestive tract?”

EC: “If you had leprosy and your ears fell off would you be a deaf leper?”

Identifying mysterious cults: KH: “What’s the Cult of Howling Hatred?” EC: “The Westboro Baptist Church, obviously.”

DR: “Apparently your god has personally intervened due to your badassery.”

A Mass Effect cameo on a dexterity check for dancing: EC: “If you roll a one, you dance like Shepard.”

EC (IC): “So what you’re saying is that it’s very dangerous and we shouldn’t go in. I’ll take point.”

Things to worry about in combat: KH: “You don’t have enough hit points to take it like a man, honey.”

The ends justify the means?: Bubbles: “Did you have fun role-playing an interrogation?” DR: “You guys are fucked up.”

KH: “How do you stun-lock a Terrasque?!?” JB: “Fourth Edition.”

ST: “Do we have to kill them before we eat? I hate murdering on an empty stomach.”

About a revenant and a possible lover: EC: “Well the beast is committing necrophilia and the necro is committing bestiality…” DR: “What happens in Faerun, et cetera.”

Rolling high on a seduction check: DR: “Frankly, I didn’t think you’d go down this road.” KH: “Oh, I went down all right.”

More on the seduction roll: Bubbles: “Try to convince her to come with us. The way she came with you last night.”

About a nonviolent kua-toa: Player: “He’s a paci-fish.”

About dealing with face-hugging enemies: CD: “You swung at yourself and missed?” AD: “I swung at myself and missed.”

ST (IC): “I’ll be staying in the boat unless you have need of my specific skills.” CD (OOC): “Dying first is not a skill.”

About cultists: DM (IC): “They are water people. Maybe they’re just going with the flow.”

About a minotaur who keeps missing: DM: “At least when you put a bull in a china shop he’ll break shit.”

About bottles of brandy: EC: “I have two questions: how many of them are there and how many of them can I carry?”

Ideas so bad they’re good: KH: “We’re gonna blow up the temple with the distillery.” F: “The temple, the lich, half the plot…”

About going forward: KH: “Against our better judgment.” DM: “What better judgment?” KH: “Good point.”

About shooting arrows: KH: “'Nock’ yourself out.”

About using a lot of magic: JS: “We’re blowing a big load here right now.”

JS: “You wanna go up the shaft?” ST and T: “That’s what he said.”

About flirting with an efreet: JI: “Below her waist is a trailing cloud of black smoke, so you’re not getting anything.”

Questioning the guardian imp: Player (IC): “What happens if someone disturbs the sarcophagus before your time is up?” WS (IC): “There’ll be six more weeks of winter.”

MR (IC): “Trying to undercut me on my quest to restore my former glory?” KH (IC): “You have no glory to restore.” Other Players: “Oooooooh!” SW: “Quick, someone cast heal!”

When talking with a spirit: MR (IC): “You can’t just ask someone if they’re dead! That’s incredibly rude! The correct term is ‘mortally challenged’!”

After a petrifying encounter with some basilisks: BC: “I always thought she was stone-hearted.” KT: “I dunno, I thought she rocked.” JS: “I am going to kill all of you.”

What to do with windmills: KH: “If we had a lance, we could go tilting.” MR: “Cavalier idea.”

Quest priorities: Player 1: “No one’s going to pay us to do it right now. It’s not worth the attention.”

JF: “Roll to see if you hit me by accident.” KH: “Oh, I’d hit you on purpose.”

K’s paladin chastising A’s paladin about her sex habits: A (IC): “I thought you were the paladin of joy!” K (IC): “Not that kind of joy!”

About a previous edition of D&D: KH: “[What] the hell couldn’t you do in 3.5?” SW: “Win.”

KH: “Technically you’re underage.” ST: “That’s never stopped me before.” AD: “You or your character?” ST: “Do I have to answer that?”

D: “We’re gonna make the Underdark great again!” ST: “We’re gonna build a wall - a really big wall in the Underdark, and we’re gonna make the gnomes pay for it.” A: “We pay for everything already! Screw you!”

About a character who caught fire: T: “He’s not rolling initiative; he’s rolling on the ground.”

T (IC): “Let’s go before the men’s egos get us killed.”

JB (IC): “My god believes in good opportunities. Not dying is a good opportunity.”

Passing on some bad news: JI (IC): “[Chief] not sick!” AD (IC): “He was when we were done with him.”

To a healer: KH (IC): “I don’t suppose you have a cure for the common cold?” JI (IC): “I’m not a miracle worker.”

Reassuring a woman scorned: AA (IC): “Go tell her - all men dogs.” JI (OOC): “Says the cat.”

To the tune of “Like a G6”: ST and KH: “Roll a d6, roll a d6!”

KH: “Of course it’s always about dirty sex - I’m a bard!” AD: “The hell are you two talking about down there?!”

To a mindflayer, about a stupid character: KH (IC): “I’d offer you his brain to eat, but I don’t think he has one.” JS (IC as mindflayer): “I don’t eat junk food.”

MGW: “It’s Tza…Zsa…his name is Jasper.”

Saying goodbye to the barkeep: MR (IC): “I’ll be back visiting the northern parts soon.” KH (OOC): “And then you can visit her southern parts.”

About a questionable NPC: ST (IC): “I would never dream of hurting you!” KH (IC): “I would.”

About prison visitations: JB (IC): “How often is it that a [gypsy] walks in here voluntarily?”

Failing a romance/persuasion check: AA: “Ooh, she cast Zone of Friend!”

Preparing for a swamp adventure: CD: “I want to buy some insect repellant.” AD: “What, your personality doesn’t drive them away?”

About a magic boat: JB (IC): “I saw it grow!” ST (IC): “Are you sure you didn’t rub it? That sometimes happens with wood.” JB (IC): “You would know.” ST (IC): “You wouldn’t.” JB (IC): “Tell that to my two children.”

About an injured drow: MGW (IC): “Look at that poor girl! She has a black eye! You can’t see it, ‘cause her skin is black, but still!”

Last-minute aliases: RD (IC): “Unfortunately, no, my name is Dick Ballsenshaft.”

To a half-orc and Sir Bearington, regarding weirdness: MGW (IC): “…but for me to assume you’re in a loving relationship with a talking bear is where we draw the line?!”

Wisdom for stealing magic items: KC: “Anything that glows goes.”

About fleeing: RD: “I’m going to run like an Amazon employee during the holidays.”

MGW: “You were doing so well until everybody died.” JF: “D&D in a summary.”

Once more about fleeing: RD: “A smart man knows when to run like a little bitch.” J: “Why do you think that’s the first thing I did?”

Recapping the previous session: A: “There was a shitshow, but we got away with it.” S: “So the usual, then.”

About creature size: MR: “Is an ettin large or huge?” MGW: “I think he’s just large.” A: “He’s probably large but pretends he’s huge.” AS: “Typical guy.”

When a pervy character is disgusted by a perv: RD: “Dear Kettle, I have an issue with your current hue. Signed, the Pot.”

A: “He told us to send a message.” KH: “A sword in the stomach is a message.” SW: “The Lannisters send their regards.”

The pervy paladin: A: “I used Lay On Hands. I healed him.” KH: “Yeah, but where did you lay your hands?” MGW: “Wherever she wanted.”

About our tactics: SW: “We put the 'fun’ in 'dysfunctional.’”

About possible activities: MGW (IC): “I know you’re a tiefling, but we’re all the same color in the dark, right?”

Interesting weapon material: MGW: “You all take a moment of reflective silence.” JB: “Nah, I’m just cleaning my bone.” KH: “Technically that’s a moment of reflective silence.” KC: “Not if you’ve seen the barbarian do it.”

Scrying like bad cell reception: KH: “Switch to AD&D.” JB: “Can you scry me now?”

About the taste of human: SW: “You would know.” A: “Nah, I don’t swallow.” MR: “This conversation is making me uncomfortable.”

Wrestling prep: MR (IC): “I want a good, clean fight.” A (IC): “No we don’t.” JB (IC): “What’s a clean fight?” A (IC): “It means you have to take a bath first.” JB (IC): “What’s a bath?”

MGW: “There’s a bridge that looks like it may have collapsed at some point.” JB: “Is it a-bridged?”

Beautiful references (read in Rorschach’s voice): AA: “I’m not grappled with YOU,” ST, AA, and KH: “YOU’RE grappled with ME!”

About remaining spells: KH: “I have three 1st-level slots and one 2nd-level slot.” CD: “Those are 'keeping people alive’ slots.”

Dealing with extra-limbed gorillas: ST: “Uh-oh! They must have been forewarned!” AD: “What makes you say that?” ST: “Forewarned is four-armed.” AD: -_-

Negotiation skills: AD: “It’s just me trying to bullshit him.” JI: “Why don’t you make a bullshit check?”

Trying to figure out if the staff is necromantic: CD: “We could kill a mouse in front of the staff. We could kill a mouse with the staff. How much is it to buy a mouse?”

JB: “Anyone die while I was gone?” SW: “Not on the outside.”

Wizarding limits: JS: “You may not polymorph your zombies into t-rexes.”

Zombies aren’t too smart: BC (IC): “Bobs, attack the closest gnoll!” Bobs: (run at gnoll party member) KH (OOC): “Et tu, Bob?” JS (OOC): “If this doesn’t belong in your blog, I dunno what does.”

Far too relatable: JS: “Twenty psychic damage.” BC: “I’ve taken more psychic damage from my mother.”

Worst-laid plans: KH (IC): “I have a very bad feeling about this.” MR (IC): “You should.”

Our go-to combat tactic: MR: “Are we going to stupid the guy to death?”

Zing!: MGW (IC): “If you join me, I can make you the greatest dwarf who ever lived.” TP (IC): “I am the greatest dwarf who ever lived.” Whole Table (OOC): “Ooooohhhhh!!!”

Another verbal duel with a sea god/character class limitations: KH: “I would say 'what is a god to a nonbeliever,’ but I’m a cleric.”

Activating the mysterious device: BC (IC): “We did it! I wonder what we did?”

Business as usual: KH: “This seems like a bad idea, but go ahead.”

Old adages: MR: “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” (IC) “But then, no enemy has survived contact with us!” (OOC) “Was that quote-worthy?” KH: “Yes.”

KC: “She can ride me. I don’t care.” KH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) KC: “…I’M A BEAR IN ARMOR.”

Advantageous druidic inanity: KC: “Are you still riding the flying bear?” MR: “It’s flying now?” KC: “Yeah, he flew up to unlock the door.” AS: “…So he’s a flying bear with armor…”

Spell modifications for humourous purposes: MR: “Using a Dex[terity] save for Zone of Truth means they’re literally dodging the question.”

About a wild, crazy, out-of-left-field hypothesis: RD (IC): “I figured if you pulled something that big our of your ass there’d be bleeding involved.” MR (IC): “…That’s between me and my proctologist.” SW (OOC): “Did you take fire damage for that? That’s like Taco Bell levels of burn.”

As is per usual: MR: “We may have once again survived this by the skin of bullshit.”

Take the survey and vote for your favourites!

[basementadvco-blog]

The Mystery of Darkwood Down Part 1: Secrets

Hello, this is the first campaign diary I’ve written so I apologize in advance if it isn’t the most interesting. My friends and I have been playing 5e for 2 or 3 years now, so we’re more or less comfortable with the rules, and with playing with each other. Whatever infighting you see with our characters is all in good fun, and in pursuit of telling an interesting story. On that, I’ll go ahead and post a brief character summary (just note that we’ve only just started playing, and if the other characters have secrets or details about their backstory I haven’t heard yet, I don’t know about them).

 Yukiko Mori– A human fighter and a tavern brawler (literally, at level 1 she took the human variant that gives you a feat). She hasn’t done too much yet, other than hit things like a truck, but she comes off as a family person, making mention of her family she’s supporting with her fighting money.

Black Philip – A Kenku wizard. He comes across as a major bird brain (pun intended) since Kenku repeat phrases and words said by others…and Philip uses that to intentionally mess with people.

Roseni Thornsten – a 10-year-old Halfling Warlock. Her parents are “sick” and she’s “taking care of them” with the help of her “friend” named Iggy. Every part of this is made out of red flags.

Novem – A warforged rouge, and my character, so expect most of the story to be told from her perspective. Novem was built to hunt and kill demons and devils, since they’ve become more of a problem in the city. She wasn’t alone though, she has 9 other brothers and sisters with specialties for demon killing. They’re possessed now by the very devils they were built to fight, so Novem has to stop 9 other highly dangerous kill bots possessed by demons on top of everything else going on.

Luther Blackwod – Paladin. Race? That’s tricky to answer. For the time being he’s a human, but we’ll get back to that later. He’s noble and probably one of the few truly good people in our setting. Too bad he’s dead.

 As with most Session ones in D&D, this was more of us getting the party together than proper adventuring. Our DM gives us a lovely opening description of this city in a slightly more modern Victorian England style setting, compared to the high fantasy games I typically run.

We started with Yukiko, engaged in a pit fight, with a huge crowd placing huge wagers and calling for blood. Immediately we’re in a (albeit short) combat, which is always exciting. First roll of the night? Natural 1.

We’re off to a great start!

Yukiko punches the Referee, and somehow ISNT disqualified, AND wins the fight. The pit fights in Blackwater are raw! Yukiko goes to collect payment from the owner, but instead of getting her gold, she is introduced to a scrawny, gangly man in a nice suit by the name of Mr. Gates, who offers her a job, and an envelope, with only an address enclosed inside. Theres a lovely exchange where Yukiko continues to give the boss a hard time so she can get paid…but…that’s not how their relationship works, she gets paid when he’s ready to pay her.

Next is Black Philip, living in the slums. From the brief description of the backstory I heard, Philip was studying magic…and killed his entire village…………..so…he lives in the slums now. Can’t say its implausible.

Mr. Gates shows up and tries to find a Mr. Phillip, a powerful wizard. It goes about as well as you’d expect with a Kenku that frequently repeats what you just said back to you.

 Finally, Phillip manages to convince Gates he’s a powerful Wizard by casting a spell…Chill Touch…ON gates. He seems to shrug it off, despite damage dice being rolled, which means he’s no normal commoner…which begs the question, what is he? Phillip receives his invitation and Mr. Gates moves on.

Roseni hears a knock at the door to her family manor. She answers is and converses with Mr. Gates, who’s looking for her parents, saying its very urgent they respond right away. Roseni explains they’re asleep and don’t like to be woken up. She asks her “friend” Iggy what she should do, and he tells her to just see what he wants and they’ll go instead.

Roseni convinces Mr. Gates that she’ll give the message to her parents, and receives the envelope, looking inside they see an address and nothing else. So, she grabs a map, and sets off for the address.

 Novem is finishing her rest in the sanctuary of The Church of The Nine. Novem believes in everyone being properly thanked for their work, and that often means giving thanks and tribute to gods most others ignore or don’t appreciate. After all, they’re gods…and if all they ask is to be worshiped and thanked now and again, why not…considering not doing so often incurs their wrath down the line.

A knock on her door, and the church priest introduces Novem to Mr. Gates, offering her a job…Novem, immediately suspects a trap, and starts grilling Mr. Gates on why all the secrecy, considering they’re already alone, and the only others who can hear them are the Priest, who can step away for a minute, and the gods…and he’s not hiding anything from the gods is he? Gates is just…not sure how to react to being interrogated and sassed at by a robot that’s acting like the fantasy equivalent of K-2SO.

Novem does eventually accept the offer, makes short prayer of protection, and heads off to the address, which she recognizes all too well, the mayor’s office.

 Finally, we have Luther. He was caught murdering the head of a human trafficking ring…who was also one of the most powerful nobleman in the city. With no trial, he was hung that day…and wakes up naked in a pile of corpses.

Luther is now a Revenant.

Mr. Gates is waiting there as he pulls himself out, offers him clothes and weapons, and an invitation to get more than vengeance…he can get justice as well.

Luther doesn’t exactly have a ton of options, so he accepts, and is given a magic helmet to hide his identity…but it’s a bit tight. That’s the enchantment though. If Luther dies, he comes back to life in a new body, and this helmet will always fit the wearer…but always be slightly too tight. I like this a lot, magic items with a clear benefit and an odd drawback opens up some great roleplaying opportunities.

 Luther is led to the Mayor’s office where the rest of the characters are waiting. It’s like 2 in the morning at this point so obviously the first question he asks is…why is there a 10-year-old here, and why isn’t she in bed? Roseni answers matter of factly that her parents are asleep so she came instead.

We’re all led upstairs by Mr. Gates…but…he’s wearing different clothes and seems just as confused that a little girl was sent here. Turns out Mr. Gates has a twin brother…still doesn’t explain why can take Chill Touch like a champ, but who knows.

We’re led into the Mayor’s office, where the 10-year-old continues to confuse everyone involved. She does manage to prove she has the ability to cast magic so…she can be helpful…Novem doesn’t like this one bit, but the Mayor doesn’t have the heart to tell the child she can’t come on the incredibly dangerous and secret mission that she was not hand selected for so…Novem defers to the mayor. She’s a servant of the city, and he represents the will of the city.

And then Luther takes his helmet off and shows everyone she’s the Paladin that was famously and publicly executed earlier that day.

Again, Novem defers to the mayor in him saying that he’s cool, don’t worry about it.

At this point we settle down enough to get the plot dump. The mayor is part of a secret fraternity that protects a secret seal of immeasurable magic. They have reason to believe that a secret ancient tome with instructions on how to control the seal, secretly hidden outside the city, has been discovered by an even more secretive evil organization, whose goals and identities are all hidden and secret. The mayor believes they are already attempting to retrieve the book, and we must go out into the woods to the secret location, enter the secret barrow where the book is hidden, all while not knowing anything about the secret defenses and traps that protect the book……

To quote the robot “I find that answer vague and unconvincing”

But he is the mayor, and he is agreeing to pay us, and we won’t exactly make much headway selling this incredibly “secret” information on the street…so we agree, despite there being a 10-year old Halfling magic user with us.

So we head off into the woods. Novem is pretty much the only one with darkvision so she hands one of her torches to the Paladin, and walks ahead of the group to look for any potential threats coming their way. Sure enough, we find a narrow path leading to where we were told the barrow is…and 6, shadowy, red eyed wolves with odd symbols on their heads emerge from the woods. Novem waits in a nearby brush, deciding that while time is of the essence, the Mayor is her direct superior, and gave her a team to work with, so clearly this is not meant as a solo mission, so she waits for her team to make the first move and support the inevitable fight.

I’ve played long enough to know rule number 1: Don’t split the party”

The wolves are all bunched up to block our path, so this is a perfect opportunity for the spellcaster’s to get out their cool area spells. Phillip moves forward and prepares…meanwhile Luther is trying to keep Roseni from walking straight into a pack of evil smoke wolves. She may be tiny and only have a speed of 15, but the little Halfling girl slips ahead, and casts Arms of Hadar at the wolves…which is the exact spell Philip was going to cast…meaning he’s also caught in the range of it…and he’s a level 1 Wizard with only 7 health.

And he fails his saving throw.

Probably should mention that most of the accidental deaths come from my friends not taking great care in their area-of-effect spells. One day they’ll learn.

Yukiko, Luther, and Novem easily mop up the remaining Wolves, mostly because the wolves all rolled terrible on their attack rolls. Each of the wolves disappears into a puff of smoke after they die…which is disconcerting, but they also leave a small, almost glowing red stone in their place. Definitely something to look into later. Luther heals up Philip, and we all hurry forward.

The next big challenge is the path itself, which seems to throw us all off the path, trying to get us lost. All but Yukiko fail their saving throw, while Luther, with the torch, rolls a Natural 1.

Thankfully he didn’t wander too far, so we call him back, huddle around Yukiko who can keep her mind straight and focused, and we find the secret Barrow. The entrance is blocked by a huge stone disc that requires most of us to move out of the way. Its at this point we start to suspect that the mayor may only be using us to get the book for his own ends, but Novem won’t switch sides without convincing evidence, so we begin to head down.

The spiral staircase inside leads us further and further down until it opens into a small room, where a green bound book rests on a pedestal waits for us. Novem waits for everyone to catch up as she checks for any traps. The rest follow behind, and we quickly realize a few decisions need to be made…who’s taking the book…and do we bring it back with us. Luther tries to mediate as Phillip and Novem end up in a surprisingly civil tug-of-war while having the most bizarre conversation, as a Kenku that repeats previously heard phrases, and a very direct sassy robot bicker over who should carry the book.

Roseni and Yukiko are suspicious of the whole thing though. They smell the book. Seriously. It pays off though…the book does not smell like an ancient tome, it smells like a new, freshly printed book.

Novem criticizes the others for being so suspicious of the mayor…after all, he’s the mayor. Not doing what he says is certainly going to be a bad idea. Besides, just because the book is still here, doesn’t mean he deceived us. It may well mean we beat the bad guys here. Now we have to find out if it’s safe here, or not, and if we can trust the mayor enough to bring the book back to him, or not. Novem proposes that they should all stay here through the night. If the bad guys show up, then we’ll know the mayor is legit. If not, we can leave the book in this safe spot and confront the mayor about what’s really going on. There’s agreement and they all put the book back down on the pedestal.

And then Phillip flips the book open to the first page, exposing all its secrets for anyone to see.

And it’s just a book on Frog anatomy.

So this leaves us with two scenarios. The mayor hired several, highly qualified, dangerous people, who know who he is, sent them on a wild goose chase, all as a distraction that he didn’t need to send us on because none of us had any idea about what the Mayor was doing in the first place. Or. The mayor was right, and the book has been stolen by a secret, evil group.

Novem apologies to Phillip for doubting him, and the group prepares to leave. They have a missing book to find, and it’s not going to be easy.

That’s where we left off. I’ll do my best to keep up and cover all the important details going forward.

[nerdsonearthblog]

Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is the newest adventure for D&D 5e. The back cover describes it as “a mad romp through the wards of Waterdeep” that will take players from from 1st through 5th level. I’ll provide a full chapter-by-chapter review below, but first, please indulge me as I take you on a quick romp around the block.

Anyone who has undertook a huge new endeavor knows it takes a couple of years to really hit your stride. My personal belief is that Chris Perkins is the greatest living D&D storyteller (respects to the King of the Nerds, Gary Gygax). Perkins, of course, was in no way solely responsible for the launch of D&D 5e (his colleagues include the talented Mike Mearls and Jeremy Crawford). Still, Perkins understandably had a lot on his plate story-wise when D&D 5e was first launched just a few years ago.

This resulted in the first few D&D 5e adventures being very good, yet sometimes just shy of great. To be clear, I enjoyed Hoard of the Dragon Queen just fine and I thought Princes of the Apocalypse and Out of the Abyss had many, many moments of greatness.

But years into the release of D&D 5e, I read Tomb of Annihilation and it was that specific adventure where I had the thought that Chris Perkins was fully at the top of his game, having solidified himself as the GOAT-not-named-Gygax.

Now, having just turned the final page of Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, I felt like I read a Chris Perkins story so clever and brilliantly done that he has reached the point of confidence in his career that he could set the stage for adventure, then step back and invite a new generation of storytellers to their mark on the story.

But…what do I know? Maybe I have read the situation entirely wrong. But even a gross mis-understanding of the internal processes of WotC doesn’t change this simple truth: Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is an astonishingly excellent D&D adventure. There are several sections of the book that don’t feel like they were written as much as they feel like the design team collected everything fun and enjoyable together in order to stuff them into a confetti cannon that was fired over the pages of Waterdeep: Dragon Heist and allowed to fall onto the pages like a glitter bomb of joy.

So, let’s take a deeper look, shall we?

Reviewing Waterdeep: Dragon Heist

In order to properly review Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, an overview is first in order. In the splendid city of Waterdeep, a gold coin is called a “dragon” and a half million of those dragons are hidden somewhere in the city. A magical item called the Stone of Golorr is imbued with the location of the treasure vault but the Stone of Golorr is comically being passed around a huge cast of NPCs like a hot potato.

Players are on the hunt, but their madcap chase is complicated by the fact that there are warring, jostling factions in Waterdeep. These factions might try to recruit the PCs just as quickly as they try to kill them, the end result being that their are four different villains the players can confront:

Xanathar, the megalomaniacal beholder crime lord who is based in Skullport, deep below Waterdeep,

The Cassalanters, Waterdavian nobles who are secretly devil worshippers that reside in an ostentatious villa with a secret lair beneath it,

Jarlaxle Baenre, a dashing drow swashbuckler best know for being a character in the Drizzt novels, and

Manshoon, a powerful Zhentarim wizard who has cloned himself like the glam Mr. Sinister.

Are you having fun yet? Because I had fun just reading the introductory chapter, which perfectly set the stage for adventure. But if it sounds like a huge cast of NPCs and different possibilities for villains might make Waterdeep: Dragon Heist difficult as an adventure for first time players or DMs, you’d be correct.

Perkins and his team clearly understand this, so included in the book are coherent overviews and well-done flowcharts to help track the adventure. Still, this isn’t a D&D adventure that I can recommend you use to get your feet wet. (The Starter Box adventure Lost Mines of Phandelver is best for beginners.) Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is best for players who like intrigue, bluffing, subterfuge, and other roleplaying heavy skills.

It begins with a bar brawl and a quest from none other than the famous Volothamp Geddarm (chapter 1). Even Volo’s introductory quest has twists and turns, ultimately resulting in a case of mistaken identity. But it introduces lots of NPCs and allows players to get a feel for the city setting of Waterdeep.

Plus, the quest concludes in the most wonderful way possible, which is Volo giving the PCs a deed to an old tavern in Waterdeep! (chapter 2) In addition to giving the players a “home base,” this always allows players to feel at home in the setting, while also introducing quests that deepen the major factions of Waterdeep.

Even though the quests are effectively simple “dungeon delves,” Chapter 2 is wonderfully and thoughtfully done. Besides, even though many have begun to use phrases like “it’s just a dungeon delve” as a pejorative, that completely overlooks that delves and crawls are the meat and potatoes of D&D.

Chapter 3 is where Waterdeep: Dragon Heist stumbled for me. A fireball is detonated just outside the players’ new HQ, rattling the windows. This leads to an elaborate ‘who done it?’ that has the PCs working parallel to Waterdeep’s City Watch to determine the who and why of the fireball attack, before finally determining the where of the Stone of Golorr.

To be clear, it’s a well-written and exciting plot that reads like a episode of True Detective. But it involves a slew of NPCs and an amount of skill checks that could frustrate even the most patient DMs or the most intrigue-loving players.

One of the chapter 3 headings was “What’s Happening Here?” At times, I couldn’t tell. My recommendation would be to allow the City Watch to solve that mystery and feed the information to the players so they can jump right into Chapter 4: Dragon Season.

I won’t beat around the bush: the 40 pages of chapter 4 are among to absolute best that I’ve ever read in any roleplaying game book, ever. What they outline (again, with the help of a handy flowchart) are ten different encounters that range from a classic old tower to a mausoleum to a wharf or a chase across rooftops.

Depending upon which of the four villains is chosen, the ten encounters are shuffed into a unique sequence. Then each encounter is re-jiggered according to the season, giving fresh elements to each of the 10 encounters for the spring, summer, autumn, and winter, respectively. At the end of each encounter chain, players should now have the Stone of Golorr, attuning them to the location of the horde of dragons. It’s dope.

Huzzah! After one final tussle with the villains, the players exit the vault and return the treasure to the proper authorities, becoming celebrities as word of their deeds spread throughout Waterdeep!

The four villains (Xanathar, The Cassalanters, Jarlaxle, and Manshoon) are too powerful for the player characters to face directly, so Waterdeep: Dragon Heist does a bang up job of allowing them to face off indirectly,  hindering their criminal operations without an obvious TPK. Overall, Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is light, fast, and  filled with quirky characters.

But chapters 5-8 do excellently detail each villain’s lair should the player characters have delusions of grandeur. Otherwise, the now 5th level characters are invited back to the Yawning Portal in order explore Undermountain, the next book coming from Chris Perkins and the D&D team.

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Apologies for brushing past chapters 5-8, as the lairs are well done, but it’s chapter 9 that takes Waterdeep: Dragon Heist from a simple adventure book to something much more. The D&D team have cleverly attempted to have each adventure book double as a fine setting book for homebrewers. This is certainly true with Waterdeep: Dragon Heist.

Volo’s Waterdeep Enchiridion (chapter 9) beautifully paints a picture of life in Waterdeep. DMs will want to read it for the adventures of Dragon Heist of course, but home brewers will dig it, as it is a nice aid for further adventures in Waterdeep, or even a generic urban-based story that is thunk up. It’s not a full gazetteer, but the chapter has enough hooks to hang up all the mittens and coats from a long Minnesota winter, making it a nice value add for future adventures in the splendid city of Waterdeep.

Closing the book are the typical appendices that detail NPCs, new magic items, and player handouts. But I want to close by talking about maps. First, tucked into the back cover is a large removable map of Waterdeep. It has one side for players, while the other side is for GMs and includes marked locales. It’s fantastic. I don’t know what the economics are of getting a map like this tucked into every D&D book, but I hereby start a petition that it should 100% be the law of the land.

The interior Dyson Logos maps in the book aren’t to my taste. I fully admit the sparse black and white maps are very usable. (Quick to draw or easy to snap a picture, then print out) But I would have preferred them as free digital downloads, allowing the actual interior maps to have the added color and details. As Banky taught us in Chasing Amy, inkers and colorists aren’t simply tracers, they really add depth and definition to a drawing. I would have liked to see that depth and color in the book’s included maps. But, again, that’s just a personal preference.

What I love about Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is that it isn’t a hyped-up world-destroying cataclysmic event designed to have PCs face down villains to prevent total doom and destruction. Instead, it’s like Cannonball Run or the Amazing Race if all the contestants were, you know, wizards.

I close this review as I began it. Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is an astonishingly excellent D&D adventure. Kudos to Chris Perkins, the entire D&D team, and for the new designers to D&D, who certainly added freshness and creativity to the book.

It’s a great time to be a D&D player, a god reason being that we all get to enjoy a wonderful city-based adventure for the world’s greatest roleplaying game. So I highly recommend Waterdeep: Dragon Heist as your next D&D campaign. And if you aren’t considering running it? Well, Nerds on Earth’s jack-booted thugs will soon arriving at your doorstep to push a 20-sided die into your palm. Resistance is futile: Xanathar sent us.

You can get Dragon Heist here. Better yet, ask for it at your FLGS.

[Disclosure: Wizards of the Coast sent Nerds on Earth a copy of Dragon Heist in exchange for an honest review.]

The Newest D&D Adventure: A Review of Waterdeep: Dragon Heist Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is the newest adventure for D&D 5e. The back cover describes it as "a mad romp through the wards of Waterdeep" that will take players from from 1st through 5th level.

[kayawagner]

Rats in the Rain [BUNDLE]

Publisher: Rats in the Rain

This special bundle product contains the following titles.

Times of Peril Regular price: $6.00 Bundle price: $2.35 Format: Watermarked PDF The 5E core rules make passing reference to other technology levels, which is fascinating, but difficult to implement without a lot of planning. This volume gives a guide to some options for games set during Renaissance, Victorian times or the ever popular Steam-Punk era. This is by no means a complete set of rules, but a starting point that you can use for your own adventures. In Times of Peril you will find: Three new races Four new classes Variations on existing classes New equipment Feats, magic, monsters… Imagine a world whose technological advancement from the renaissance onwards is fuelled not by the imagination and brilliance of great thinkers, but by the influence of a great intelligence from the future. An almost unfathomable mind that reaches back in t... Afraid of the Duck Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: Watermarked PDF A Holloween story in a world where the ducks have gone mad. Visit a small village where the citizens huddle in fear, where the night time is dangerous, where swarms of ducks become deadly! Seriously, this is a short adventure for 5E. It will take one to two hours to play and will either send chills down your spine or leave you laughing. There are ducks and zombies to fight, a mystery to solve and some fun to have along the way. There is blood, gore and time travel. We're releasing this early to give DMs time to prepare the module for a special Halloween session. ... When the Moon Shines Red Regular price: $7.50 Bundle price: $2.94 Format: Watermarked PDF The epic finale to the Panonian Gambit. Who or what is behind the outbreak of aberations?<o:p></o:p> Find out and face the greatest enemy…<o:p></o:p> …when the moon shines red. <o:p></o:p> This is a 6 hour adventure for 9th level characters. When the Moon Shines Red is a 9th level module from the second season of Rats in the Rain modules. It is a 5E module intended for mid level characters. These modules are set in and around the Golden Kingdoms cities of Boodar and Pesht. During the season, creatures and classes from Rats in the Rain expansions will be found along with the introduction of Rat Packs. References to Rat Packs are not critical to the game and can be found in the League of Rats Rules. During thi... The Compendium Regular price: $20.00 Bundle price: $7.87 Format: Watermarked PDF The Compendium is a hundred page compilation of all the races, classes, sub-classes, feats, spells and other options published by Rats in the Rain. It is a compendium. Everything in one place with revised rules for versatile play. Never be stuck with boring class options as there are dozens of new ideas here for you to work with. Maybe you have the other books and just want it all in one place. This is the book you'll need. Even better is that this will be bundled with the rest to save you some money.... Wolves Against the World Regular price: $4.00 Bundle price: $1.57 Format: Watermarked PDF When werewolves need help, things must really be bad.<o:p></o:p> What threatens the pack?<o:p></o:p> What else do they threaten? <o:p></o:p> This is a 4 hour adventure for 7th level characters. Wolves Against the World is a 7th level module from the second season of Rats in the Rain modules. It is a 5E module intended for mid level characters. These modules are set in and around the Golden Kingdoms cities of Boodar and Pesht. During the season, creatures and classes from Rats in the Rain expansions will be found along with the introduction of Rat Packs. References to Rat Packs are not critical to the game and can be found in the League of Rats Rules. During this season, expect to see stories featuring ancient secrets and aberrations. Wolve... A Nest of Librarians Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: Watermarked PDF Journey beneath a thriving metropolis on a quest for a secretive enclave of librarians. This is a 3 hour adventure of love and pain for 1st and 2nd level characters. A Nest of Librarians is a starting module to begin the second season of Rats in the Rain modules. It is a 5E module intended for low level characters. These modules are set in and around the Golden Kingdoms cities of Boodar and Pesht. During the season, creatures and classes from Rats in the Rain expansions will be found along with the introduction of Rat Packs. References to Rat Packs are not critical to the game and can be found in the League of Rats Rules.<o:p></o:p> During this season, expect to see stories featuring ancient secrets and aberrations. A Nest of Librarians is a short dungeo... Golden Kingdoms Campaign Setting Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: PDF Sooner or later every GM needs a detailed world for their game, but it’s hard work to build your own. You can use a published world, but those are expensive and players often know more about them than the DM. This manual gives clear and simple guidelines for building a world by adapting one you already know intimately well, after all you live on it! Demonstrating by example, this manual takes the nations, maps and histories of the Earth and quickly adapts them into a role playing world that players and GMs can easily get in to. This is a "Pay what you want" title as all I really want to do is put an idea out there. If you can use the idea, I will happily accept payment, but if not, no worries.... 5E printer friendly Table tent Regular price: $0.50 Bundle price: $0.20 Format: Watermarked PDF There is a freely available official table tent design for Adventurers League, but sadly it isn't very printer friendly and doesn't have much useful data on it, so I have put together one that is easier to print and more useful to use. Based on my experience as both player and DM, I see that it is useful having player and character names, but I would also want AC and passive perception on the front with a few useful charactertistics on the back. This set comes with a few templates in word, so you can modify and print as you wish.  By all means take it for free, or even better just make your own in word: Start with a blank document Put it in Landscape Change margins so left and right are about 5-7cm Insert a 2 cell table Size it so that the cells are even across the page ... Here come the Vultures Regular price: $4.00 Bundle price: $1.57 Format: Watermarked PDF Follow the trail of adventurers of the past<o:p></o:p> Learn the secret that was lost.<o:p></o:p> Face the evil…<o:p></o:p> This is a 4 hour adventure for 5th level characters. Here come the Vultures is a 5th level module from the second season of Rats in the Rain modules. It is a 5E module intended for mid level characters. These modules are set in and around the Golden Kingdoms cities of Boodar and Pesht. During the season, creatures and classes from Rats in the Rain expansions will be found along with the introduction of Rat Packs. References to Rat Packs are not critical to the game and can be found in the League of Rats Rules. During this season, expect to see stories featuring ancient secrets and aberrations. Here come the vultures... Characters of Class Regular price: $5.00 Bundle price: $1.96 Format: Watermarked PDF Characters of Class a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: 3 new subraces: Half-Orog Sea-Elf Winter-Elf 3 new races: Ratkin Willow Vulgorn 2 new base classes: Holy Stalker: A holy warrior that uses stealth. Ooze-Adept: A student of oozes and slimes that gains unfathomable abilities from them. New options for existing classes: Ocean Druid Sewer Druid Toad and Shark totems for Barbarians A new Warlock patron "The Light" A whole new wizard sub-class for dwarven casters: The Rune Hammer New feats and new spells. All of which are completely unrelated and not necessarily printed in that order. In my exper... Falling of the Rain Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: Watermarked PDF Rain has been falling heavily for several days, tempers are on edge, gutters are overflowing and a tangled web is forming between different factions in the city sewers. It’s an opportunity for new adventurers to get started and make their mark. This is a 2 hour adventure for 1st level characters. Falling of the Rain is part 1 of the [self titled] Rats in the Rain trilogy. It is a 5E module intended for first level characters on their first adventure. This is a standalone module, but it is also the first part of a simple trilogy. This can be used to open any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. The module makes use of rules from other Rats in the Rain handbooks (Heroes of the Dawn), but these are not needed to play. This module can fit i... The Sound of Drums Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: Watermarked PDF There are rumblings in the background. A slow build of events spaced out as random happenings and a minor story that evolves over time into the coming of war. A series of mini-adventures for 1st through to 7th level characters for the fifth edition of our favorite role playing game. The Sound of Drums is a series of mini-adventures that if spaced out and placed strategically through your campaign to allow the building of a plot across time: from the earliest rumblings of an invasion to the actual beginnings of war. Players should feel the tensions slowly build rather than simply be informed that war is coming. These adventures are not about the war, but the sound of drums that preceed it. This is also a tutorial of game mastering experience with useful hints, tips and id... Options of Heroism Regular price: $4.00 Bundle price: $1.57 Format: Watermarked PDF Options of Heroism a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: 6 new Races: Hobgoblin Goblin Bugbear Flumpf Centaur Gnoll 2 new base classes: Troubadour: A musical knight Ragepact: A broken soul who combines their own rage with the powers of a pact. New options for existing classes: Beast Rider: A halfling or gnome with trick riding skills Eldritch Cleric: A tiefling who is a servant of two masters both a cleric and having a pact with some other entity. New feats and introducing Feat Synergies. All of which are completely unrelated and not necessarily printed in that order. In my experience when new character options are g... The Right Stuff Regular price: $7.50 Bundle price: $2.94 Format: Watermarked PDF Airships can take men and gnomes into the sky, but what can reach further? What adventures wait in the upper limits and beyond? A kidnapped engineer leads the party on an adventure unlike any other… This is an adventure arc for 3rd to 5th level characters to be played using the fifth edition of the leading roleplaying game in the world. The Right Stuff takes third level characters on an adventure during which they will progress to fifth level. This module can fit in any city of any game world, but is written to be located in the Golden Kingdoms. This is not just a module, it is also a tutorial as notes through the pages explain why certain design decisions were made and also give tips to both novice and experienced Games Masters along the way. If you have never... Seekers of Fortune Regular price: $2.50 Bundle price: $0.98 Format: Watermarked PDF Seekers of Fortune a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: The Master Thrower:  A fighter specialising in strength based ranged attacks. One thing I usually find missing from a role playing system, is a a good system for thrown weapons. Dwarves throwing axes and hammers should be better covered and options should be there for halflings who love to throw daggers. This class fixes that gap. The Harlequin: Not a Jester, not a fool (maybe a fool) This is a full class for adventurers who want to dress in outlandish clothes and totally surprise their enemies with some really great dexteritty and charisma based abilities. The Mountain Defender: A... Masters of Fate Regular price: $2.50 Bundle price: $0.98 Format: Watermarked PDF Masters of Fate a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: The Magehand Pilferer:  A sorcerous origin with a specialisation in the magehand spell. This is a totally underutilised spell that has nowhere near the use of other cantrips such as firebolt, which gets used every round. The Magehand pilferer has more uses for the hand and new uses for their sorcery points. Jack of the Trades: Not a specialist of any kind. A Jack of the trades is a generalist, a backup character, someone who can spicialise in a different trait every day. They can change who they are and what they can do. A whole new class, and only the second class that makes use of int... Nature of Dragons Regular price: $2.50 Bundle price: $0.98 Format: Watermarked PDF Nature of Dragons is a handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: New subaces for Dragonborn: Shadow Dragonborn Dreaming Dragonborn 1 new base class: Dragonsoul New options for existing classes: Draconic Druid Dragon Totem Dragonblood New feats and new cantrips. All of which are based on allowing characters to draw more and more on the nature of dragons. If you have felt stifled by the small range of 5E options, then Rats in the Rain are giving you more options, choices and ideas than you will find anywhere else.... A Mime Standing on Cheese Regular price: $2.00 Bundle price: $0.78 Format: Watermarked PDF There is a whisper in the wind as workers rise up against their masters, but who is behind this revolution and where will it end? This is a 2 hour adventure of social uprising for 3rd level characters. A mime standing on cheese is a 3rd level module from the second season of Rats in the Rain modules. It is a 5E module intended for low level characters. These modules are set in and around the Golden Kingdoms cities of Boodar and Pesht. During the season, creatures and classes from Rats in the Rain expansions will be found along with the introduction of Rat Packs. References to Rat Packs are not critical to the game and can be found in the League of Rats Rules. During this season, expect to see stories featuring ancient secrets and aberrations. A mime standi... Beneath the Storm Regular price: $2.00 Bundle price: $0.78 Format: Watermarked PDF As the rain continues to fall, the sewers have become a haven for undesirables, but moving them on will be difficult as certain parties seek out a dark and ancient secret. This is a 3 hour adventure for 3rd level characters. Beneath the Storm is part 2 of the [self titled] Rats in the Rain trilogy. It is a 5E module intended for third level characters early in their careers. This is a standalone module, but it is also part of a simple trilogy. This can be used in any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. This module also includes part two of "The Sound of Drums" but the rest of that story arc is not needed to play. The module makes use of rules from other Rats in the Rain handbooks (Heroes of the Dawn), but these are not nee... Black of the Rainbow Regular price: $5.00 Bundle price: $1.96 Format: Watermarked PDF There is trouble afoot as an old friend calls for help. The cult of the black Rainbow are ready to make their move. An ancient legend is coming to life and the sewers of Vollenchia will never be the same This is a 5 hour adventure for 6th level characters. lack of the Rainbow is part 3 of the [self titled] Rats in the Rain trilogy. It is a 5E module intended for third level characters early in their careers. This is a standalone module, but it is also part of a simple trilogy. This can be used in any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. The module makes use of rules from other Rats in the Rain handbooks (Heroes of the Dawn), but these are not needed to play. This module can fit in any city of any gam... Clouds of Steam Regular price: $1.50 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF Visit a world high on the sky where dwarves run a floating mine; where elves and gnools do battle on air ships. This is a 2 hour adventure in a fantasy renaisance era for 6th level characters. Clouds of Steam is an introductory module for the Rats in the Rain 5E expansion: Times of Peril. The story is set in the fantasy renaisance where technology is starting to spring forth: Airships are common and dwarves mine the clouds. It begins as a simple security job, but ends with a battle against sky pirates. It is a 5E module intended for sixth level characters, though can easily be adapted for lower level. This is a standalone module, but can lead into othe Times of Peril modules This can be used in any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. The m... Heroes of the Dawn Regular price: $2.50 Bundle price: $0.98 Format: Watermarked PDF Heroes of the Dawn a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: The Blade shaper:  A rogue that has gained shapeshifting abilities. The body of an animal is ideal for stealth and grants bonuses in combat. This is a new roguish archetype for the player that wants something exotic and unexpected. The Wilderness Runner: A character whose strength lies in speed. They are skilled in the wilderness, but in combat prefer hit and run charging tactics. As they gain levels they gain extra damage dice if they attack after moving. A full new class with a different flavour to the existing ranger and barbarian classes. The War Chanter: A fighter who loves to... League of Rats Regular price: $0.50 Bundle price: $0.20 Format: Watermarked PDF The League of Rats is a adventure league framework for Rats in the Rain modules allowing players to log their progress as they move from module to module. This could be adapted for any 5E campaign or it could be ignored completely. Included are character creation and advancement rules and a log sheet.... Old Frog and Toad Regular price: $2.00 Bundle price: $0.78 Format: Watermarked PDF Trade caravans are being attacked on the main road. Usually this just means more guards are needed, and that is a call any young band of adventurers will respond to. Keep an eye out as there is more than one band of trouble-makers out there. This is a 2 hour adventure for 2nd level characters for the 5th edition of the world's most played role playing game. Old Frog and Toad is a 5E module intended for second level characters early in their careers. This can be used in any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. This module also includes part one of "The Sound of Drums" but the rest of that story arc is not needed to play. The module makes use of rules from other Rats in the Rain handbooks (Heroes of the Dawn), but these are not nee... Revisions of Origins Regular price: $3.50 Bundle price: $1.37 Format: Watermarked PDF Revisions of Origins a is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: 3 new Races: Mantiss Warrior Half Ogre Lizardfolk 2 new base classes: Eldritch Assassin: An assassin who gains abilities from a dark pact. Bladeheart: A spellcasting swashbuckler that chanells magic with swords. New options for existing classes: Cavalier: A specialist mounted warrior Cloud Walker: A monk tradition with movement powers that belongs in the clouds. Hidden Blade: A rogue specialising in twin dagger fighting. New feats and introducing Feat Synergies. All of which are completely unrelated and not necessarily printed in that order. In my experience ... Sylvan Blood Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.39 Format: Watermarked PDF Within an ancient sanctuary grove where fey and druids once lived in peace, blood now soaks the ground… It started with love, turned to hate and now is driven by madness. This is a 3 hour adventure of love and pain for 7th level characters. Sylvan Blood is a module over a decade in the making. It tells the story of eternal love between druid and assassin. It introduces two clans of assassin: The Sylvan Blood, an ancient order of fey and elf dwelling with a community of druids. Then there is the Grey Mist, a clan of duergar working for dwarven miners. What unfolds is an investigation into the past, of a time when druids fought dwarves over forests and mines, where love and hate and trust turned into madness and revenge. It is a 5E module intended for seventh level ... The Leaning Towers Regular price: $2.00 Bundle price: $0.78 Format: Watermarked PDF Investigate the secret beneath the streets that makes the towers lean. Journey to see clockwork wonders and face creations out of control! This is a 2 hour adventure in a fantasy renaisance era for 4th level characters. The Leaning Towers is an introductory module for the Rats in the Rain 5E expansion: Times of Peril. The story is set in the fantasy renaisance where technology is starting to spring forth: Clockwork wonders are being developed and with them is danger. It begins with an investigation into the cause of towers leaning and then rolls into the world of a mad mechanical turk. It is a 5E module intended for fourth level characters. This is a standalone module, but can lead into othe Times of Peril modules This can be used in any campaign, but is writte... Things Worth Finding Regular price: $4.00 Bundle price: $1.57 Format: Watermarked PDF Things Worth Finding is a handbook of equipment and magic item options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: New weapons and armour: Oriental weapons Special weapons Beast-Scale armour New riding animals: Axebeak Giant Badger Riding Lizard A swag of magic items: Weapons Armour Masks Wondrous Items Magic Item Families If you have felt stifled by the small range of 5E options, then Rats in the Rain are giving you more options, choices and ideas than you will find anywhere else.... Vollenchia Guidebook Regular price: $0.50 Bundle price: $0.20 Format: Watermarked PDF This guidebook is an appendix to the Golden Kingdoms Campaign Setting giving some quick details on the city of Vollenchia and the surrounding region. Particularly useful for players of Rats in the Rain modules R101-R108. Not much use to anyone else I'm afraid.... Warriors of Destiny Regular price: $2.50 Bundle price: $0.98 Format: Watermarked PDF Warriors of Destiny is handbook of character options for 5E This can be used by any group looking for a little more variety in their characters and a few new ideas. In this volume you will find: The Druidic Lyrist:  A highly skilled agent for good combining their people skills with a sound knowledge of nature. An ally of druids, rangers and bards, the druidic lyrist is a champion of the common man and a force for good. The Ninja: Needing no introduction, this warrior of the shadows is included here so that certain players keen to create their own ninja do not go overboard and create an unbalanced class. By combining the abilities of rogue and monk in a balanced manner the ninja can now fit into any group. The Eldritch Archer: A talented elf or half elf that is able to focus... What to do with prisoners Regular price: $2.00 Bundle price: $0.78 Format: Watermarked PDF It’s a simple mission: collect and transport prisoners. Then why does it seem so hard, and what do these prisoners know? This is a 3 hour adventure for 4th level characters for the fifth edition of the world's most ubiquitous role playing game. What to do with prisoners is a simple adventure that takes time to explore one of the often neglected questions: What should PCs do with prisoners. It is a 5E module intended for forth level characters early in their careers. This can be used in any campaign, but is written to be part of the League of Rats. This module also includes part two of "The Sound of Drums" but the rest of that story arc is not needed to play. The module makes use of rules from other Rats in the Rain handbooks (Heroes of the Dawn), but these are...

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